Oh ya, i still have a blog!

Ok ppl, *kneeling down* I admit i totally forget about having a blog here! HAHA! so long time never update! But that's really thanks to my previous laptop. Since the laptop broke down, I have to share computer with my sis. but of cuz i couldn't do blogging there cuz mostly i m complaining about her! HAHA! And the biggest secret is here. So i couldn't update that time, and after i got my new laptop, i seldom have time to blog cuz obviously my PREVIOUS boss was exploiting me. And till now, when i finally able to retrieve everyone's blog address, then only i realise how long i didn't update! =.=

Ok, so, I guess most of you know what i was doing so far, cuz you know my blog only patheticly around 5 ppl reading it and these 5 ppl, we often update each other la! HAHA!

Oh well, yeah, after i quit from my previous company, it's been almost three months resting at home. I enjoy the slow path lifestyle in my hometown kluang, I love to have a car to go wherever i want, I enjoy cleaning my house and stay in it, I love the relaxing lifestyle here. That's y i seldom be back to singapore, cuz I m thinking since i m going back for work for sure, so what for stay there for long, it's also very troublesome to my aunt. So i m back till now. Guess I have to search for job next month. So many ppl asking, i m getting more and more stress up now. But good news my body is slowly recovering now. Even gong gong told me not to be rush to find a work, better have a healthy body then only can work for long. HAHA! I din know i was THAT serious! HAHA!

Although i like my lifestyle here, but of cuz i feel sad staying at home too. As you guys know, long time problem, family problem. The longer i stay at home, i m getting so stress up at home too. I dunno when my father is going to scold my mum, i dunno what my mum done might provoke that old man. I have so many things to worry and that's why i keep my house clean all the time as i dun wan that my father use any of that as an excuse to scold my mum. although long time ago i have already gave up on my family, but still, whenever see my mum, serving dinner for my dad, i feel even more sad for my mum. That's also one of the reason why i need to stay here for so long. I hope i can use all my free time now to accompany my mum, relieve her from the housechores, make her happy all the time, and to block as many bullets' as possible from my dad. It's really depressing, but i couldn't talk about it to my brother and sister. This is the problem that we wished to keep it deep in our heart, buried it, best if no one would ever want to dig it up and discuss. I am really envy how close my fren's family bonding, but i know i can do nothing about it. The only thing i can do is just protecting my mum, I m just hoping she can live everyday happily. As for my dad, still i will do my part as a daughter, but he already lost my faith on him long time ago. I m not going to hurt myself more to know more about him and that irritating mistress. Want to have a new family outside, go ahead, just stop stabing on our heart.

Three months staying at home, there's happy memories as well as sad memories. But i guess sad memories just overpower the happy one. Recently my beloved nanny - aunty mama, passed away. When i was young, my parents were busy for work so normally i spent my daytime there. Compared to my brother and sister, i spent the lesser time there, i have no other play mates there, but still the time I spent there with her was the happiest memories in my life. She was so kind-hearted, patient and gentle nanny. She had never scold me before for doing anything wrong, everytime, she would be very patient with me, slowly explaining why i was wrong with me. I still remember whenever i was sick, i would recover fast when i stay there. I guess i really like to be with her. Fortunately, before she passed away, before my brother went oversea, we went to visit her, twice. Her daughter said she was really happy that before she passed away, she still able to meet all the little kids she took care before. I can do nothing for her, the only thing we can do was sending her off till the very last moment. Tears were filling on my eyes when I saw her lying on the coffin. Before that I told myself i couldn't cry, cuz i want her to go without worries. But still, we failed to do that, we cried by the side of her coffin. although physically she has gone, but still, she will live in my heart forever. I m gonna let my children know there's such a beautiful nanny tat took care of me. I will always remember her.

My love~ :)

OMG! Really this man can't kill me enough is it?!! I dunno whether I will die this coming april or not! He is going to wear all these super nice clothes while filming the drama. I guess I will really STICK on my screen and flood my room with my saliva~ HAHAHA!! Chang min ar~~ Enough la!! Dun be so handsome ok?! :)

Today is really a good day~ I din go back to the rubbish home, so i stayed in the rubbish room for this weekend. And this morning, I decided to do a spring clean for my room! Wasei! Really man! If i have a choice, i will definitely stay alone! I really hate living with my sister! SHE IS SUPER ULTRA DIRTY OMG! Really so angry while cleaning the room! The only thing she did was only cleaning the fan (Which i dunno how to open the thing!) Other than that, sorry man, i think i NEVER see her cleaning this room and i really feel very furious to see the room condition. Even in my rubbish house! Gosh! That should be even worse. I really dun feel like going back to look at it! My sis and my mum's room really horrible. My mum of cuz will keep the house but you see the way she do it, you might faint on the spot. as for my sister, I NEVER SEE HER CLEANING THE HOUSE, if you dun ask her to do. I mean she NEVER VOLUNTEER TO HELP CLEANING THE ROOM. All she do is sitting in front of the com or TV like a princess. WTH said I'm the princess in the house? Bloody hell! I m maid ok!!

Okok, too ji1 dong4 i know. HAHAH!! Today is a great day, cuz after i did a spring clean to my room, wasei! I NEVER SEE MY ROOM SO CLEAN BEFORE!! FEEL SUPER ULTRA HAPPY LA!! HAHAHAHHA! Then dewy came to my house~ And we went to swim~ :) I dunno is it the water problem or exercise makes ppl happy, we just feel super happy after swimming. HAHA!! And after i came back, i still feel very happy cuz my room is sooooo clean~~ :)))))

I really wonder how my house gonna look like when I'm back. But who cares, that's just a place for me to sleep. There's no one in the house would ever care about me. So sorry, i forgot i m just a maid. So let the princess go back often, i will be staying in my comfort zone forever~ Really feels very fan everytime i step into the house. SIGH! But now i learn to care lesser, since nobody cares about ur feeling, wat for I take it so serious! YES! so, i will tell my self, just be a good maid will do. My parents already have a GREAT DAUGHTER and SON, so plus me as the maid, perfect, and plus my father's mistress, fuiyoo, what a HAPPY FAMILY! HAHAHAHA!!

*yawn* Time to sleep. Dun think to much, keep remind urself, 活在当下, enjoy urself, dun regret after that, and really care lesser, you will be much more happier~ I'm learning to put it all down, I'm learning to tell myself my father is a betrayer is nothing, I'm learning to tell myself, dun take it too hard, one day you will leave them, long enough for them to realise that, I already gone...

OK la~ Update! HAHA!!

Ok, OMG! My last update was 24 November! Wasei! Really! I was busy like hell!! So sorry ppl for not update often, now sleeping is really so important to me man! I m always dead tired! HAHAH!! But it's ok i think, cuz there's only one loyal reader will read my blog which is dewy~ HAHAHAA!! Thanks dew! I guess i dun need to post any update u will also know everything since we keep emailed each other everyday! HAHAHA!!



OK! YES! Emails! Really during working hours, emails from frens really can refresh urself! HAHAHA!! It's so happy to see emails from ur frens! Like YES! Finally not job orders! hahaha!! Well, after almost 5 months torture, i m still hee-haw! No change! Just becoming more and more tired everyday! Sigh! I can feel myself getting weaker and weaker. Nowadays i sleep early like 10 + or 11+, but the next day i still feel super damn tired, tired walking, tired eating, tired talking. My every single cells are yelling for a rest! But this stupid idiot company just can't seem to understand the word "OVERLOAD". They are really suckers! This is the time i realise how selfish a person can get when u r in crucial moment! WTH! Like i keep helping the uncle to do the rubber stamp, cuz if i dun help him, i also kena what! So i m just a volunteer to help ok! But so sorry ar, this uncle also like keep asking finish already? As if these are my jobs! WALAO! Nvm, those sales ppl even more suckers! When comes to urgent item, who care u r exhausted or wahtever, even if u can't give them, what do u think? U r the one to take the blame la! REALLY Suckers! Then the IP site aunty keep forcing me to do urgent work. SO DEAD TIRED LA! Sigh!! T.T



I really hate working there. I dun mind to do prints, but i just feel like running away from these ppl. Seriously tot i m machine or what! Chang min ar~ When are u coming to save me from this miserable life? I hate working there, but no choice, need to save money, to fly to ur side! Fortune teller aunty! Pls tell me all u said are truth! I will marry chang min la!! HAHAHA!! OMG! Really can't wait man. Dew! Let's jia you la! We are now walking towards them, i know very hard, but really nvm, if only i can stand beside them forever, how hard i will give a try man HAHAA!!! :)



OKOK! Omg! tired dead meat wanna sleep liao~ to be continue ok? So sorry for the short update~ :(

Bad mood day.

Yes! I'm having a bad mood day! I guess my facial expression was kinda scary to those who dunno me yet. HAHA!! It's that kind of "dun come near me" facial expression! hahahaah!! It's so funny, morning when i'm heading to work, i still feel normal and ok. But once i step into the office, the anger started to flood in! And i can tell the sales ppl are kind of scared of me! HAHAHAH!! YES! That's what i wan!

Then I sit down and think over it, yes! Must be that stupid idiot WAVE fault yesterday! seriously can go eat shit. Well, i dun think i need to repeat the incident la, since i already told my only two readers of my blog. But for those who happens to pass by, just a very brief explanation of the incidents la. This bloody sucking company wants to come out with a calendar to give their client. As everyone can see, I'm almost BUSY everyday, so my supervisor - Da bing pass this job to my new colleague who is almost the same time enter this company la. From NAFA somemore. But, sorry, he really like year one student. I guess year one student might be better than him. He got the skill, but too bad, dun have common sense! Whatever design he propose, ppl haven't even agree with the design, he already do like whole set, which everything looks the same. So, me, not only a junior graphic designer in the office, but also the photographer, sales, uncle supervisor, even LECTURER have to guide him. HE REALLY THINK I M FREE OR WHAT?!! Always you ask him to change something, he will be like okok, then come out totally different. I wonder he can understand human language or not. And that's the reason why i keep asking him to change. But guess what, in the end, the whole calendar, he just do the design part, which is seriously very simple, I did the date arrangement, layout for the calendar, test prints, almost everything. SUPPOSINGLY, I'm only in charge of printing part. During this period of time, all those rubberstamps from his site passed to our office to do. I really cannot think of what else he can do there.

And becuz of that, I exploded! Cuz he is super irritating, still saying, you all dun think i m very free there, i got a lot of things to do too. Aiya, you all got your reason and my reason is excuse. THanks ah! I see this sentence i almost wan to break my phone ok! But forthe sake of chang min i won't! This is the first time i shiver from the anger! Really thanks a lot to this idiot. And till today, i'm still doing the calendar, at the same time, doing his site of rubberstamps, and other stuffs. I have a feeling i m going to continue this BAD MOOD till i finish printing the calendar. HE IS SUPER IRRITATING. I was so damn wrong to think he can help me cut down my work, he is THERE to add on my job load. Oh god! :(

Not much stuff to update, my life still normal. Tired, tired and tired. Except, i miss chang min more! hahahahaha!!! This is a good thing though! Sorry for the randomness. I will try to kick off this bloody mood! Argh!!! T.T

Working life sucks...

Oh people, so sorry for the late update!! haha!! But I think actually not really need to update too since we almost speak to each other every day!! haha!! And I dun think my Malaysia frens wants to read this too... It's ok, I dun really care!

Well, after the last post, long period of being a slacker at home, I finally found a job. Before this job started, I went to Pagesetters four days for emergency help. Shouldn't go there man! Now I compare the current job with Pagesetters, really, THIS COMPANY SUCKS LIKE WHAT MAN!!!

The company is a stationary provider company. They do a lot of rubber stamps and print namecards for ppl. But seriously, one month only, I already cried twice. Everyday drag my feet to there, angry, depress, tired. Repeating the same process over and over again. Well, you might say I m too pampered. But I'm sorry, it's not like I dun want to do, it's TOO MANY THINGS that I NEED to do! WTH! Can u imagine whole company only one designer!? It's really bloody sucking ok!! My jobscope really can divide for two or three person to do. What else can i describe the company except of bloody sucking, irritating, hell all these words?

The colleagues there likes to show off. Especially the stupid idiot boss!!! Always show off how rich he is! WTH! You think only you r rich is it!? Really irritating man! And his sister, omg! Totally like a witch! There's only two good person there, production uncle and the aunty in their branch! I really fell like burn down the whole company man. I try to put up with them, but really can;t stand their attitude! as if I MUST put up with them! WALAO WEI! My temper also not that good ok!!! I was planning to work for at least half year there at first, but now, sorry, I dun think i can put up for three months. They really hitting my limit man!

Everyday go home acting like a walking zombie. Even my aunt know I'm not happy. But what bothering me the most is that, at first, my mum and my sis, keep pushing me to accept the job. Really can't wait for me to go. Ok, but now they see how "GOOD" the company is, immediately they change their mind 360 degree. Now KEEP ASKING ME TO QUIT!!! SEE!!!! Really cannot tahan both of them man!!! What u two want?! U want me to go for work, ok, now i m working but tired like a dead meat everyday, and now u two keep asking me to quit. It's not like i can't bear to leave ok!! (WHO THE HELL WILL FEEL THAT WAY FOR THIS KIND OF COMPANY MAN!) It's that I dun want to be a irresponsible person. I dun wan to spoilt my own reputation and I feel that I have a responsible to do it. I dun wan ppl to think like I cannot take tough job. Till the day I finally faint in the company within these three months I will quit without all these stupid thinking.

I was really disappointed last few days. My mum called few days ago, of cuz, she couldn't find my sis, and I was her back up caller. Then I kind of like telling how the company gave me lesser pay and extend the working hour. I just want to tell her what's happening like I wanted her to know what I did in school, although she never pay attention to me forever. And guess what she said? She just scolded me thru the other end, "just quit la! Work like this everyday come home and lose ur temper, might as well quit!" WTH! So, I was losing my temper to her is it? Or she can't bear to imagine her precious princess daughter to be the victim everyday? I was really so depress that day that I can't controlled myself and cried on the phone while speaking with chan chan! Really very depress. I lost my family entirely. I m now an orphan. (dew, i'm not stealing ur line but really i feel the same way!) I rather be alone. It's really depressing to work in this kind of unappreciative company, and when i think I just lost my dad, i still have my mum, and feel like run to my mum embrace, and my mum push me out. Just imagine how this would hurt. And my sis, just keep thinking i m over react. Actually all of them concern me a lot. Sorry ya, princess sister, please keep in mind, in their heart I was dead long time ago or never exist before. You are their only daughter and the only princess ever! You dun need to do house chores, you can mess the house up, you can do whatever you like without getting a scold. But what m i to them but a maid?! So please stop saying all those kind of stuff. I dun wan to hear it ANYMORE. I m disappointed enough that my heart already dead. If i can fly away to somewhere, I WILL. WITHOUT THINKING!

Currently, i just dun feel any better. I really enjoyed every friday night hang out with u guys. Cuz I can totally forget about all these things. Sigh~ 2009 really sucks to me.

OK, should stop complaining. I'm dead tired. Need a good rest. Hope my next post would be a more positive post. I'm sorry for all the negative posts, people.

Almost....Immuned

I guess i m almost immuned to the pain my family gave me. Although i still feel miserable staying at home, but now seems like those hurtful words not really hurt to me.

Yesterday, again, I came back to the house i called "Home". Well, I dun understand why I still come back when there's no room for me. I always sleep with my mum as u guys knows since my parents sleep seperately. I guess i'm going to fall into a flu as I was suffering from sore throat and feeling unwell. I told my mum, but she really just pretend like never heard anything from me. Well, that's not hurting me anymore since she always react this way to me. But because of this, i was cold. But my mum loves air-con and her MINYAK KAPAK!! OMG! I really hates the smell of 风油. Cuz that will make me hard to breath. So i sneak out from the room and read eclipse outside. In the living room, my sis was watching all about TVXQ. Sigh~ dunno how many times. Then I asked her if she wants to sleep with my mum, she said NO, I m going to on the air-con. well, she just dun like to sleep with my mum. I dun understand, since she loves my mum so much why can't she sleeps with her? Sigh~ then I think of sleep in the living room. But I scared I will get scold the next day. So I wait till the smell get off and got back to the room which belongs to my mum and sleep. Sigh.. Why i can't have my own room when everyone in this house have one? How i wish i can sleep in the living room man. or i shouldn't come back? Well, I have decided, once i start working, I m not going back that often. Once in two or three weeks.

And today, another words from my mum stung me well enough. Me and my sis were eating with my mum in some restaurant. She was telling us some aunty gave birth a baby when she was 40 years old. Then my sis told her there's quite a few of her frens' parents also like that, so my age distance with her is not a big deal. And here comes the hurtful words from my mum. She said, If not that I had took off two babies, that hurt my body till i feel like dying, I'm not going to give birth of you! (Which means she knows it's hurtful to take off baby, and she had took two off, so she dun wan to suffer again so she decided to give birth of me!) Yes, I'm not a baby that everyone was looking forward to. My mum went to the hospital herself. I really thought she wanted me cuz she needs accompany or some other reason. But sorry, as what u saw, i m a burden to her. I m here becuz she dun want to hurt her body anymore. Well, I really rather u took me off. At least i won't suffering like this. At least u dun have to keep complaining about my back, feel that it's a burden to u. But i dun really feel as sad as i discover the betrayer's mistress. i m probably immuned to them. i know one day i will get out of this place. i know this is certainly not a right place to me. i would stick to u for long, no worries. i will disappear someday, till u dun even realise u actually have two daughters. U only have two children. A boy and a girl. i m clear of what i m now. i m the maid. no doubt. It's obvious.

Well, i really not feeling so well. i m going to get a flu. But who else will care in this HOUSE anyway? So, I think the best way to cure would be music. I'm going to rest. sorry for this random enough post. T.T