Unfair...

为什么这个世界这么的不公平？I always tot that it's just a common speech in drama. But now i know i m wrong! There are so many unfair things in this world.

Well, i think it's really a good time to blog now! I feel so lost now! I hate things being so unsure! I m not sure what i m gg to do next. I m not sure what m i going to study. I m not sure whether I GOT THE CHANCE to continue study. I m not sure whether i m suitable to be a remisier. i m not sure whether i m suitable to be a designer. Everythings seems to be so unsure for me. Can someone give me a answer pls? I guess no one will. Only I know what i want! But the biggest problem now is : I REALLY DUNNO WHAT I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got no dream. i dun mind get a remisier license. I dun mind work as designer. But I duno whether i will LIKE to be remisier. I dunno if i wan to be a designer. After three years in TP, I've seen so many good works and realise that I seriously not really talented in this field. Well, business? I'm not sure will do better? What i really hope is not to disappoint my father. He is desperate for remisier to take over his clientsss one day. And this day might come sooner thanks to my BLOODY SICKENING COUSIN SIMON TAY! If u happen to see him pls give him a big kick on his ass!!!!!!

I had mentioned before about that shitty cousin. Yes! My father still paying debt for him! No choice! cuz he dun wan to break his promise to that client. Well, becuz of him, I might not be able to study abroad. I can see my father really dun wish to send me over. He asked me to take the remisier course and get a license. Then u dun need to study degree. dun u think this is so unfair. If all these never happen, my cousin can take over my father's clients(although i dun wan to, but at least when i m sick of design i can snatch back!) I can used up these few years to learn more things, explore more things, then i might know what i really want! Now i m too young to know what i wan for my future!!! If all these never happen, I can go study abroad without worries. I dun need to worry about the money. But since my dad say so, i think he really can't afford. Even he can afford but would be quite hard for him.

He is 61 years old this coming 14th of June. if all these never happen he can retire now. He can go travel to anywhere he want. And last week, I heard my ah mah called him keep on asking him to help that piece of bullshit! Sometimes i really dunno why i will respect a grandmother like her man!!! Why she can't see us!!!! She keep thinking of her grandson! Did she even think of us? If she step in my house and sigh to me! that's it! I'm going to cry and tell her! It's enough! Now Igot no money to continue study! are u satisfied with this?!!!!!!! I can't take it anymore!

If my dad can wait for a few years more, i dun mind to come back and work as remisier. But can i at least get a chance to fly out and explore the world? but I dunno if i can cope if i study abroad. i just dun really feel like stuck in Klg from now till the rest of my life.

Now only i know the world can be that unfair. My father help to send that piece of shit to US study his master or degree. Come back still a piece of shit, need to help him pay his debt.

原来好人不一定有好报。但我相信坚持当好人至少下场不会差到哪里去。我终于发现现实的残酷。但我不会因为这样而变得坏心肠。也绝对不可能会大量到去包容那家人。我只想好好的跟爸爸说：你辛苦了。儿时的承诺，我还是希望能够向您兑现。也许我做不到让你大福大贵的享福，但我仍然希望成为能让你感到骄傲的女儿。但是我该怎么做才好呢...

Can someone tell me what to do? I'm lost. How I wish I could turn back the time...