I want this!!!!

I'm sorry that this is a bit too random!! But seriously!! I love this little creature!!!! SO cute!! I just happen to see it in one of the Han Hyo Joo's interview. She was holding this little creature!! So cuteeeeeeeeeeeeee!! I love it man!!

After some research, that little rabbit is from a korean brand called cottiny - selling all girl's accessories. All of them are so cute k!!! Argh!! I want the hair band!! It's damn cute ok!!!

Dang dang!! Cute rite!!! I want this man!! Anyone who knows korean can help me buy?!! Omg!! I love this little creature!! Argh!! I wan to sew one for myself!! Even just a little doll!! hahah!! Dun Care!!! I want to draw it into my book also!! So cute~~ :)

www.cottiny.com/shopping Feel free to go and surf this website!! I love the website design!! So cute and nice!! I like the style too!! Go and check out their earrings and so on!! Oh pls~ Can someone import them in?!!

Another sad thing to share. Yesterday while I was searching TVXQ's new pic, I saw one of their collectible from their premium showcase 2009. It's a miniature CD album key holder! OMG!! SO NICE OK!! I wan to own one la!! I love miniature stuff!! And this one is my favourite CD album man!! I told myself! Yes! I must buy it!! But too bad, after i ordered in star-tot, one hour later they told me it's out of stock!! I feel so so so so sad ok!! Omg!! Can someone make for me or tell me where to buy it!! I wan it so badly man!! :(

Ok! Random enough! Haha! Well, recently seems like ppl around me loves kpop a lot man!! I got shocked when i passed by my "cave" cousin room that day, i hear shinee love like oxygen!! Then I heard she played sorry sorry too!! Omg!! I couldn't imagine man! Sometimes in bus also heard some other ppl talking about kpop, watching kpop video and so on. Wah!! See! that's how successful kpop is!! That's also why i love it so much that can't leave without them!! haha! Kpop rocks man!! Well, of cuz my TVXQ or THSK rocks too! Check out their newest single - Stand by you! I'm going to buy this single k!! I love this song a lot a lot!! It's really nice!!! Go youtube to search for their live performance!! It's great and worth to hear!!

Okok!! Finish what I wan to say!! I wish all the above items can buy some where!! But I think the chance is kind of low la! Especially my TVXQ Miniature CD! NVM!! One day i'm gonna make a miniature cd album book!! hahahah!!! YES!! ok!! Should go to sleep!! OK! End with my charming chang min photo!!! Dun faint out ya!! Hahahaaha!!

I must blog this!!!

Haha! The title sounds a bit exaggerating, but seriously i need to tell u guys this! Haha!

Today, as usual, sleep till noon time, my mum fetch me to the new office after lunch to help out. Not much things to do though. So I decided to go supermarket nearby to buy a packet of oats since our home one finished already. My mum gave me a RM50 note, so i kept in my pocket. I'm not gg to carry my bag since it's just within walking distance. (I dun mind walk there cuz the office is damn cold already!! Need to go out for a walk!!) So, I bring my favourite i-pod with me and my phone. I brought another RM10 to buy magazines. I put my RM10 note in my pocket as well.. Then as I walk, I was playing with my i-pod, suddenly realize my RM50 note GONE!!!! Shit!!! Surely drop out when i pull out my i-pod. So I immediate turn back to find. Before I realize that, there were two gals (I think around 15 or 16 years old, Still studying sec school one la!) passed by me. So I quickly turn back and find whether i accidentally drop somewhere! I was very nervous k!! RM 50 le!! Not RM5 man!! Then as i turn back i saw one of the gal quickly picked something from the floor and run with her fren. So i immediate chase after her la, but she din realize, then that two girls even hold hands and scream at the corridor and continue running. I then manage to call one of them and said : Xiao mei, the RM50 note u picked just is mine! She looked damn scared ok!! haha! and said: oh it's yours ar, then pass me the money from her pocket. The note already crumpled like what man! Then I go off and saw her run off too cuz the other one already go off. I was like phew man! Thank god she is willing to give me back la!! If not ar my mum will kill me and i will heartache till i died man!! Always so blur!!!

Then after I bought my oats, on my way back to the office, I saw tat two girls again, with a group of fren. They passed by the place where i drop my money and point there, i think she was telling her frens about it. then I was thinking whether i wan to siam. But I din do anything wrong mah! So I just walk passed them. The first gal can recognize me(the one who run off first) and tell her bf i think, they both stared at me, then a few gals including the one who return me money also stared at me, I feel like she wants to talk to me or what but sorry huh! I was with my i-pod, can't hear anything, I just pretend like i dun recognize them and go man. If not ar, die man! Maybe i need to hand up my money to them lo!! In the end i din used that Rm50 and return to my mum! Too dangerous outside!! hahaha!

I was so disappointed with the gal gal and boy boy nowadays man. Seriously! Just take two of them as example, wah! Pick up money and run, scream!!!! Wasei!! Baliak man!! actually honestly if i saw RM50 note I might not pick up man, even i pick up i will stand there and wait for the owner to come or give it to the beggar nearby. Cuz first this might be the money that someone need it urgently. Second, it's very bad to take other ppl's money, I would feel like i owe the owner without knowing who is he or she. If i take the money I would die of guilty!!! Omg!! Somemore dunno whether it is a xian jing that ppl apply black magic on the note once u pick it up u kena!! Last time I saw a RM10 note on the corridor and i just tell my mum and din pick up, I plan to just go.. But, u know my mum la, money le! Then she said pick up la, then i was like: har? dun wan la! Then she said go pick up!!! So no choice have to take, if i m alone i sure pick up and give the beggar or pretend nvr see!! I'm very scared of this one le!! then my mum said if u dare not keep use it la! So i just follow her order and buy fruits and the changes I gave to my mum!! I dun wan to die of guilty! But I did eat the fruits and shout a big thank you to the owner of RM10 note! Haha!

But compared to the RM10, my RM50 is really a big money k!!! If they two dun return me i can die!! cuz i never take down the number, the only way to prove is to drag them to my mum's office and ask my mum! Thank god no need to do that man!! If not i will kena scold like what!!

And this is also why i said i must blog this!!! Cuz i can't tell anyone here!!! I sure get scold!! haha! And frens! Remember to be honest!! At least the first thing i wan my children to learn, to be honest when u saw money on the floor!!! HAHAHA!!

哭

有时想想，为什么自己这么没用，遇到什么不如意的事就只会哭。
眼泪好像是上天的一个神奇发明，每次哭完后，难过好像会少那么一点点。
但是我很不喜欢，哭着时心里揪着，有种心痛的感觉。
我的名字虽然应该是象征着开心，但是不知道为什么，我很喜欢哭，也很会哭。也许就好像我朋友说的，名字通常是相反的，叫美丽的人不一定美丽，叫开心的人不一定就会开心。
悲观，我想我一直都是。因为我觉得每件事都做好最坏的打算，如果结果是好的，我会觉得很开心; 结果不好的，至少我也已经做好准备去接受。

现在的我，好像站在一个十字路口的中央，四周围围绕着很多很多的车。我不知道我要去那里，也不知道应该选哪条路，只希望能有双带我飞离所有烦恼的翅膀，飞到一个无忧无虑的空间。
我知道，我在逃避选择。我真得很讨厌做选择。尤其是眼前的这个。我知道总有一天我会找到属于我的一片天，但是那天什么时候才来？我讨厌选择，我讨厌没有一个确定的方向。“究竟我该怎么办？”这句话已经不知道在我脑海里跑了几遍。我很气自己为什么不清楚自己要的是什么，为什么就不能做一个决定，只会逃避。有时想要跳开一下，拼了命地去运动，但是当我又想到这个问题时，头就好像快要裂开来了。想着想着，不知不觉，眼泪也就跟着滑下来了。

今天本来不想写这么不愉快的东西，但是我烦恼的根源之一来到我家了。真的很奇怪，不管我有多气，但是看到眼前的奶奶，就是狠不起来。一来怕爸爸不高兴，二来她始终是我奶奶。我真的是个很矛盾的人。骂不出来，又只能生闷气，气到委屈，又莫名奇妙地开始哭。真想一巴掌打醒自己。

算了，牢骚发完了。你们当我under maintainence. 不要理我就好。

但是还是要祝我的爸爸，生日快乐，父亲节快乐！你在我心目中是最棒的爸爸，愿所有的烦恼，不愉快统统离你而去。I love u my daddy~ :)

Unfair...

为什么这个世界这么的不公平？I always tot that it's just a common speech in drama. But now i know i m wrong! There are so many unfair things in this world.

Well, i think it's really a good time to blog now! I feel so lost now! I hate things being so unsure! I m not sure what i m gg to do next. I m not sure what m i going to study. I m not sure whether I GOT THE CHANCE to continue study. I m not sure whether i m suitable to be a remisier. i m not sure whether i m suitable to be a designer. Everythings seems to be so unsure for me. Can someone give me a answer pls? I guess no one will. Only I know what i want! But the biggest problem now is : I REALLY DUNNO WHAT I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got no dream. i dun mind get a remisier license. I dun mind work as designer. But I duno whether i will LIKE to be remisier. I dunno if i wan to be a designer. After three years in TP, I've seen so many good works and realise that I seriously not really talented in this field. Well, business? I'm not sure will do better? What i really hope is not to disappoint my father. He is desperate for remisier to take over his clientsss one day. And this day might come sooner thanks to my BLOODY SICKENING COUSIN SIMON TAY! If u happen to see him pls give him a big kick on his ass!!!!!!

I had mentioned before about that shitty cousin. Yes! My father still paying debt for him! No choice! cuz he dun wan to break his promise to that client. Well, becuz of him, I might not be able to study abroad. I can see my father really dun wish to send me over. He asked me to take the remisier course and get a license. Then u dun need to study degree. dun u think this is so unfair. If all these never happen, my cousin can take over my father's clients(although i dun wan to, but at least when i m sick of design i can snatch back!) I can used up these few years to learn more things, explore more things, then i might know what i really want! Now i m too young to know what i wan for my future!!! If all these never happen, I can go study abroad without worries. I dun need to worry about the money. But since my dad say so, i think he really can't afford. Even he can afford but would be quite hard for him.

He is 61 years old this coming 14th of June. if all these never happen he can retire now. He can go travel to anywhere he want. And last week, I heard my ah mah called him keep on asking him to help that piece of bullshit! Sometimes i really dunno why i will respect a grandmother like her man!!! Why she can't see us!!!! She keep thinking of her grandson! Did she even think of us? If she step in my house and sigh to me! that's it! I'm going to cry and tell her! It's enough! Now Igot no money to continue study! are u satisfied with this?!!!!!!! I can't take it anymore!

If my dad can wait for a few years more, i dun mind to come back and work as remisier. But can i at least get a chance to fly out and explore the world? but I dunno if i can cope if i study abroad. i just dun really feel like stuck in Klg from now till the rest of my life.

Now only i know the world can be that unfair. My father help to send that piece of shit to US study his master or degree. Come back still a piece of shit, need to help him pay his debt.

原来好人不一定有好报。但我相信坚持当好人至少下场不会差到哪里去。我终于发现现实的残酷。但我不会因为这样而变得坏心肠。也绝对不可能会大量到去包容那家人。我只想好好的跟爸爸说：你辛苦了。儿时的承诺，我还是希望能够向您兑现。也许我做不到让你大福大贵的享福，但我仍然希望成为能让你感到骄傲的女儿。但是我该怎么做才好呢...

Can someone tell me what to do? I'm lost. How I wish I could turn back the time...

Graduated!!!

Yes! I was officially graduated from TP yesterday! Hmm.. Very hard to describe, kind of complicated feeling. Happy? Hmm.. Probably yes cuz I had gone thru a lot of hard works and sleepless night to get my diploma! haha! and happy that I did not disappoint my family. Sad? I think probably sad is more than happy. I can't bear to leave my course mates! I'm going to miss them a lot!

Well, although I have experienced three times graduation (as in kindergarden, primary school and secondary school), I understand that no matter how good we are, we still need to seperate one day. Just that I dun wan to face that the DAY was yesterday. 21st of May 2009 here end my poly life. Well, in my 21 years of life(of cuz i live longer, just for now la! haha!) I think this 3 years were the most wonderful and enjoyable period that i ever had! Well, I know i might get shoot but i dun really like Singapore actually. Haha! (so brave! haha!) But I can't deny the fact that I met 4 besties/soulmates/family members here, and a lot of very good friends here!!!! Thanks to all of them, without all of u guys, my poly life won't be that interesting! I love hanging around with u guys! I enjoyed those days we squeeze together in des canteen eating tasty chicken chop, nice malay food, uncle's teh peng and ice milo. I missed those day we kacao in uncle Wilson's print shop, see how he act gay, play in the darkroom and com lab, help out in the super chaotic print shop, celebrating everyone birthday together, go to the library flipping books and so on. Really so so memorable. Throughout these three years, I received countless little present and encouraging letter from my besties and super sweet birthday present and surprise from Wendy, yiling and dudu! I missed those days playing hand's wave with genie - Regina! haha! So memorable right genie! haha!

I really can't bear to leave all of them. As for my besties, I really had tons of memorable moments with them. Thanks for their sacrifices for my first birthday surprise in TP! I still remember that moment i saw that video. I almost tear ok! just that i control myself! haha! Countless outing, gathering, cycling days, Ikea gathering, birthday celebration and so on. We had gone thru a lot with each other. I really cherish our relationship a lot, as important as my family member! I still remember those days we sang in the com lab, watching video together, cried when we were depress and so on. I'm glad that someone would call me and tell me she is miserable and dunno what to do. Of cuz I dun wan my fren to cry but at least when they are depress they think of me! Well, in the future u can still call me up whenever u feel depress or having some problem. Walking atm is still here! hahah! I dun mind to be ur listener!

Although I had a lot of hard time in TP, but I enjoyed a lot! I will never regret to study here, if not i might not meet all my besties here, all my good frens here and enjoyed all the good times with them. Well, people! We made it! We already graduated from TP. No matter what is ur future planning, all the best to whatever u do! Remember i will always be here for u guys! We need to gather more even after we graduate ok! Thanks for being such a wonderful frens in my life and tolerate with all my mistakes and bad temper. U guys will always on my mind! :)

Cheers for graduation and all the best! :)

Love ya,
Khai Xin a.k.a Hee-haw a.k.a Hawy a.k.a Xiao xin a.k.a Khai Khai....... (a lot more! haha!)

Here's the photo! We finally graduated! :) Cheer for our frenship! :)

Probably another rubbish post?

Haha! The title was my exact thinking before i start writing this post! haha! Well, just browse through lexy, sin yee and cloudy's blog! Why nady dun have one man! TSK! haha! So i feel like i need to update something since so long time we haven't meet up! Haha!

Well, these few weeks I was staying in Malaysia. Of cuz i'm still in M'sia now. But how to describe, the lifestyle here is really kind of relax compared to Singapore. Haha! I love driving around but I hate working for my cousin's wife. Omg! can u believe that a diploma holder only get RM 3.85 per hour and still need to work like a dog! OMG! Really so irritating! actually I was planning to rest few weeks at home and maybe go back to Pagesetters and see whether they need designer. But then few weeks ago, my cousin was talking to me in his place in my mum office. I was standing somewhere else, not facing him. He asked me to go and help his wife. I pretend nvr hear it. But too bad, the next morning, she called. I was like SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! I was forced to wake up! (really hate ppl call me during my sleep man! Especially ppl I dun like! tsk! haha!) Then my she said she desperately need designer, cuz she just sacked the malay designer and only left one designer. She said she can't tahan that designer anymore. And her previous worker who agreed to come back din turn up. So, sigh~ She already talked like that I can't even say no rite? Sigh~ So, I went to help. But she din mentioned about the pay at all! So, I also dun really bother la. I dun really follow time. Haha! Late to work, lunch time 1.5 hour! haha! really ultimate. but I really duno she count by hour! WALAO WEI! Two years ago she gave me RM20 per day ok! So, april I think i work for two weeks more, I get RM 288.56! And she din pay me that RM0.56! Omg! I'm gg to faint! Well, I dun really feel like helping her cuz of my stupid cousin k! really wan to bodyslam that whole family! All so yong sui! Working there everything is urgent and unorganized. Somemore irritating client keep pestering u as if i only do her work! TSK! I must say I enjoy the life there but working there really sucks! But the colleagues there all very nice la. Just that the pay sucks, never ending job order and irritating client. My cousin wife is good to me as in attitude but seriously can't believe she give me this type of pay and like hinting why two of us working so slow! OMG! Really!

The jie jie sitting beside me is just the same age with my brother. 30 years old, but totally like 24 only! I got shocked when she said she wan to fetch her son! haha! She is really a good example to learn for actually. She never study design before, she learned all those software in the previous company. All her stuff looks professional, and she is really a good-tempered and meticulous person. How i wish i can be like her, good-tempered.

Well, i haven't tell my cousin's wife I wanna resign but i already declare to all my colleagues: Sorry, close order! haha! Since she found a malay girl designer and I heard that 1st of june another one is coming, so i can go. i'm just there to help out!

Convocation is coming. Next week. I dunno what to wear and got nothing really formal to wear too. Well, that's not so important. Just that suddenly feel kind of depress. Once the convocation is over, we might not see each other that often. I keep asking myself, will we still the same? As in the relationship between five of us. I'm scared. As u guys have heard thousands times U guys are so important to me. I'm really so glad to find four soul mates in my life. Well, I dun really believe in FOREVER. I really dun believe it. I dun think those ppl who saying FOREVER this word can really do what they said. Like the fans to their Idols. I dun say I love TVXQ Forever but i would say i appreciate them even one day they disband(CHOY CHOY CHOY!) I would remember them as one of my favourite band. But guys, if i happen to write frens forever in ur card or letter or whatever, I mean it and I tell myself I MUST really do it till the day I die. Think that magic word only apply to four of u! haha! We are more like family member more than frens i think. I dun wan us to be like stranger. I duno what to do but I will try hard to gather all of us every month! I do missed those days in TP, everything! So memorable. Omg, i think i would cry after the convocation man! Shit! haha!

Well, I might continue study next year. The july semester my brother said a lot of course not available, also a bit too rush to study on july. So might start next year. This period of time, it's good to improve my broken english, learn more stuff and tidy up my portfolio. Ok, damn tired now. I hate working! tsk! I m gonna quit soon! See u guys next week and hug together cry ok! hahah! :)

Can't breath...

I'm sorry guys! Now only i update my blog. I think this is the very right timing to write. I m very depress now. Probably after this post, I would feel better.

Recently, after came back from yogyakarta, (Tell u guys about my trip in my next post with pic! hahah! but have to wait ok! Haha!) I m scared. Really scared. My dad went to china the week after i went holidays. So whole week stay in Malaysia accompany my mum.

The sentence i hate the most now is ppl asking me "what are you going to do after graduate?" Seriously, Hate it! I'm lost! I dunno what should I study. I'm now in a corner, with all my family and frens around me, asking me the same question, especially my sis! She keep forcing me to choose now! Yes! I know that's for my own good, but really, I'm lost. I feel like I'm going mad, whenever she asked me, i just keep quiet. Even I ask my dad, he was like either no answer, or dunno what is he talking about then walk back to his room. I m really damn stress now. I see myself holding my head sitting at a dark corner. I can't find an exit to run away, with all of them behind me forcing me to go out. I m lost. I dunno what to do and what should i do. it's a kind of burden to click in those website to search for sch.

I'm so regret now. I should be more hardworking. now my result is like a piece of shit. I really wonder m i suitable to study design? I got no talent at all. I should be more hardworking. Now this kind of result, who the hell will accept me? With probably the most scary portfolio, i dun think there's any school wan to accept me. Where to go? Australia? I wanted too. I dun like to study in either NTU or NUS. It's just another round of discrimination. Even I want I dun think I can get in too. i really can't breath. I hate that kind of stress.

I was sitting at my living room just now, cried with the sad music. I just need to release all out. I can't do it in front of anyone in my family. I know they are more worried! But I really dunno what to do but cry out. I'm such a useless bum! Always made ppl worry for me. Even my health. Really, the first time i feel so helpless. I'm drowning, and i can't see any helps in front of me. What should I do? I dun wan to disappoint my family. I wonder if I m suitable to study oversea with my lousy english.

Ok enough! Should stop it! I feel much better after throwing all my "rubbish" here. Just ignore ok! :)

Well, these few days I was watching korean drama at home. Beethoven virus and on air. Beethoven virus is a story about a orchestra team. How they fight for their dream. It's nice becuz the actor jang geun suk is handsome! haha! I m envy because they have a dream, which i dun have. And really envy them can fight for their dream. But the love story in that drama sucks! Really kns the female main role! Such a young handsome guy dun wan, in the end fell in love with the old uncle! Walao wei! Not nice! Tsk! Haha!

On air, to me, it's nice. Long ago i wanted to watch it. The story is about how the entertaiment industry working in Korea. An arrogant top star, a very famous storywriter, a new but good director and a caring star manager. the love story between them are nice especially the director and the storywriter. Haha! they are so cute! I love the OST too. The one sided love by Park Yong Ha which act as the director and If.. by Naby(Too bad not nady! haha).. Really very sad song. Shit man! Always like these kind of songs.. Sigh.. But that's why i love Kpop too, their touching music. If u feel too bored can take a look at this drama too. To me is interesting cuz after this drama only I know, to produce a drama really needs a lot of effort. Everyone put in a lot of effort just for the drama. And now i think it is so unfair for the audience to say not nice when they dun even see how hard they work. Even to me the story is not nice, but now i learn to respect every of them. They are always in a hard time!

Wah such a long post. Ok, well, just an update. i m currently working in my cousin wife's print house. Doing boring design job. Although i dun really feel like working there, but too bad la, she only left one designer there, and very hard to find graphic designer in my hometown. So I just go and help her. Sigh.. But wednesday I will go singapore for the swimming class! haha! Hope can meet u guys la. Ok, after this post I should feel better. All my tears, go back to ur house and have a long sleep k! goodnight! all of u! :)