Tearing.. T.T

Ok! Just like the title! I'm tearing like nobody business right now. I hate myself! Why I always said the wrong thing!

I just did a stupid thing. Well it's not so stupid actually! Cuz I felt sorry at the same time also damn angry. I told one of my best friend - quakie, dun always say she is depress cuz we are depress too! Just tat we dun tell cuz dun wan to add stress to other ppl! Probably the last sentence is wrong. Ppl got no time to bother bout u actually. I said that cuz I hope she knows that dun keep saying u r depress. Cuz it doesn't help and in fact it affects ur mood to do ur work. Perhaps I dun understand what kind of drawing that u really wan to achieve, perhaps i dun understand ur project at all. But what I know is that, I'm hurt! I'm hurt to see u misinterpret my sentence and post it on ur blog like yes! It's all my fault to make other ppl stress! I dun mean that way! I dun feel good either. I just wan u to know that depress won't help. Now u should TRY to get out of depress! And now u feel depress doens't mean that u got depression.

When i see the sentence in her blog saying what i told her, it hurt me. Deeply. I felt like i got stab by my best fren. I TOT we are best fren and u would understand what m I saying? I TOT u will know that what I m saying is not to stress u!

Perhaps I'm too busybody. Perhaps I m a retard. I m hurt cuz I said that just that I hope u dun end up to depression. Depression is horrible. I saw the live example on my mum. And I know how she feels! I dun wan to see u get into depression. Everytime u told me u r depress, I'm scared. Really really scared and worried that u might just commit suicide. I'm scared to lost a best fren like u. That's y i can give up anything on my hands just to persuade u. But I'm fed up. I get a big stab everytime. U would just telling me, i dun understand, I can't help. I feel like a retard. I talked so much trying to make u think more positive way. I'm wrong! Totally wrong! I'm too naive! Ok, from now on, I should just do my own part. I shouldn't be such a busybody, thinking way to help u. It's ur project, and yes! Perhaps like what u said! I dun understand at all. I dun understand what u actually wan. I'm sorry for that ok!

My heart is bleeding and tearing at the same time. Cuz I hurt my best fren and at the same time I got hurt by my best fren. I can't say who's fault is it now. What I know is that I'm tearing like hell cuz I'm sad. All my words turns into a knife, killing my fren and myself. I learned the lesson. I won't be such a busybody anymore. Let me cool down..

This is really a great test from god. I have to face everything at the same time. My brain scan + my family matters + my parents + FYP + this! Just when I tot my parents are normal, they gave me a big slap on my face(as in not physically la)! Again, I'm wrong, i m the naive one who tot they will get together like before. And just when I tot my back problem is gg to solve, the doctor told me it's brain. I know nothing will happen but why! TAY KHAI XIN! Can u stop creating troubles! Health problem, family problem, and now friendship problem. Good enough as a test! Yes! that's what I'm facing. I'm scared to fail FYP too. I dun wan to use my parents and siblings money. I felt guilty. This is the greatest stress I ever had. At least till now. But it's ok. I will pull through this, just that I need some times.

I should give myself a big slap for anything I did wrongly. Wah! Then I dunno how many slaps should I get. What if I din say something wrong? What if I din fell down from steps? What if I din go for injection? What if I din come to this world?(No, I will regret! I can't enjoy my favourite music le!) But it's no point to say this cuz what had happened already happened. Alrite! Just try to solve it. Give myself sometimes, bit by bit, solves all these. Everythings would be fine. Soon. I believe... :(