I'm officially fatherless

Yes, after my last post, i think this is no longershocking to u guys la. Well, like I said, I m officially fatherless from now.

26 August 2009, 10 days after my 21st birthday, my dad gave me the best present ever - I found that he really having an affair with a bloody sickening irritating woman. I dunno who is she, but i hate her right bottom from my heart for destructing my fragile enough family.

How i found that my father having an affair with someone? Well, I just know it. U might be thinking i m just wasting my time rubbishing here, think too much, but so sorry, I got all the evidences!! How i wish he can read this post with his bloody irritating slut.

When i confirmed the fact that he really betrayed my mum and us, of cuz I cried. Although i more or less can guess that he has a mistress outside, but I think I still secretly hope that it's just me being too sensitive. It's just me that I think too much. And I think that's y I cried. But to my surprise, I dun really feel sad about it. I cried for a while, feeling miserable that moment. But after that, all back to normal. So normal that made me scared. I tried to figure out why I dun feel sad after that. Then I came to a conclusion that, because the guy in my house who i called dad is no longer my former beloved caring FATHER. He is no longer that father who used to dote me a lot, care for the family, care for his children, the wise man I used to respect a lot. The current stranger in my house, I dunno him at all. He is totally a different person from my father. I dunno where my beloved father had gone. I think he already vanished from this world forever. And because that stranger already drilled a big hole in my heart and now it's not a big deal.

I think a lot after i found out that my so call "father" betrayed my family. I m so angry and was super sad. I felt betrayed. U know what? When my parents started not to talk to each other, I still secretly hope that one day my "father" will change back to the previous one and treat my mum well. So everytime, when my "father" in good mood, do something that we think that as improvement, I can see how happy my mum actually was. And of cuz, I was happy to see that. Cuz my family not going to end miserably. And now i think back, I felt like a retard. I felt cheated. We tolerated for his weird temper all the time, I worked so hard to be the ideal daughter in his mind, my mum worked so hard to maintain his career, and see what we get. Betrayer! Liar! I was seriously too mad that I felt like burn down his room. Yes! "father" U better read this post now ok!! Before he went to China, I avoided him by hiding in Singapore. Cuz I was sad. As u can see from my previous post. But since that day till now, I din speak a word to my "father". Before this, I think it's me being too petty. But now, I think i m right. Cuz now when i look at him, I think he is such a dirty irritating man. Everytime he grabs his car key, I will tell myself, 'yes, time to meet the slut!' Like what i told le xin, if ever let me see who is she, I m going to slap her on her face till she's swollen!!! I dun care if my "dad" wan to kill me afterward, I wan to slap her face with my own hand!

I want to ask my "dad", so are u happy now, with ur new girlfren? thanks so much for all the miserable life u gave me ok! Thanks so much to set me and my mum both into depression during my sec school period. Thanks for always trying to start a fight with my mum and set me as the victim afterward. Thank god! I m really thankful to U for letting me know he has a mistress outside. I m miserable enough. I dunno who can i talk to. Definitely not my mum, I'm not that dumb! My brother? hopeless, I dun think he can do anything. My sister? Even worse, she will end up doing something that can cause my life even more miserable as u guys know she is the best daughter in the world. I got no one to talk to, but u guys, my closest frens! Nobody else bother to read my blog even i dun set a password. Pls forgive me I can't tell u guys one by one. cuz that day when I talk to Le xin, I almost going to cry on the phone. I dun think i can handle.

I do love my parents. I love my dad. the previous one. Not I wan to be mean, but as u guys can see, how my 'father" stab me to kill my heart personally. I m not gonna forgive a betrayer like him. He is the one who killed me and the family. Now he is such an eyesore to me! He is so dirty. Everytime i saw him i keep recall those words he sent to his girlfriend. Seriously, he is way too overboard. Now i dun care about him anymore. But too indifferent to him, might get scold from my sis for being so rude to him. But i dun care and dun mind. Myself know the truth should be enough. I dun wan any other from my family get hurt like me. Of cuz, i will still try harder to be filial to him. But dun get that wrong, I m just trying to pay off all my debts. The debt that he used to love me as a daughter, the debt that provided me a good environment and so on. From now on, I dun wan to use the dirty money he earned. Anything from him is a NO! I will work harder to earn my own sch fees.

Well, what is this house to him? Just a house for him to stay. What is my mum to him? A cook to him so that he dun need to eat outside everyday. What is me to him? A maid to clean his room and change the bedsheet, pay his phone bill and etc. What is my sister to him? His daughter. Only daughter that going to take over his business, so that he can go without worrying, probably go somewhere with that slutty bitch. I dunno. And my brother? Of cuz still his son. He is always concern about him the most. I can see that thru his every little actions. I'm good at observing people.

I dun bear to see my mum now. I can't bear to see she is happy for any of my "father"'s improvement. I can't bear to see she works so hard for the man who betrayed her.

What did i do wrong? Is it that I DUN deserve a happy family? Yes, ppl might be envy that, I got a comfort house to stay, two siblings who cares for me, money to buy anything i wan. But I M NOT HAPPY! So what's the point? He was torturing me all these years. I HATE him! Seriously! Before I know all this, I tot my mum might did something to provoke him without her knowing. It's just his weird temper. After all, he is still my dad. But now NO! I feel like let myself keep bleeding, I wan to bleed out all the blood from my body. I dun wan to have HIS genes in my body. I even think of plastic surgery like what Michael Jackson did just to look different from his father. I m miserable enough. And now, I m dead. my heart is dead. Only when today my mum passed my brother's call to me, knowing that someone still concern me the most out there in this family (of cuz my sister concern about me too), then i know, i'm not fully dead. cuz I still have them, and my mum. But that man already made me a dying zombie. 70% died. Thanks to him. HE had lost all my respect to him, although he dun even care.

I deserve a lightning strike for talking all these here. But this is supposed to be a place for me to throw out anything I wan. I m hoping him to read this with that slut! I wan him to know how he KILLED his daughter with his hand and I will never forgive him! Even the lightning going to strike on me now, I still hate him no matter what! I rather die than sitting here to be recognize as his daughter.

U might think I m just over-react. But could u tolerate ur father to have an affair outside? Who knows one day will they be anyone coming to my house saying that they are my "father"'s children? My behaviour might be too much, but I'm sorry! I can't tolerate betrayer. Especially when i look at my mum, I felt so sorry to her.

Goodbye to my beloved dad, the previous one. I will love u always right in my heart although i know u will never never come back to me. I miss u, dad! And the stranger in my house! if u ever hurt my mum again, U watch and see what I will do to u and ur slutty bitchy girlfren! Of cuz i won't do something too extreme but I wan u to feel guilty till ur next life for hurting MY FAMILY!