Bad mood day.

Yes! I'm having a bad mood day! I guess my facial expression was kinda scary to those who dunno me yet. HAHA!! It's that kind of "dun come near me" facial expression! hahahaah!! It's so funny, morning when i'm heading to work, i still feel normal and ok. But once i step into the office, the anger started to flood in! And i can tell the sales ppl are kind of scared of me! HAHAHAH!! YES! That's what i wan!

Then I sit down and think over it, yes! Must be that stupid idiot WAVE fault yesterday! seriously can go eat shit. Well, i dun think i need to repeat the incident la, since i already told my only two readers of my blog. But for those who happens to pass by, just a very brief explanation of the incidents la. This bloody sucking company wants to come out with a calendar to give their client. As everyone can see, I'm almost BUSY everyday, so my supervisor - Da bing pass this job to my new colleague who is almost the same time enter this company la. From NAFA somemore. But, sorry, he really like year one student. I guess year one student might be better than him. He got the skill, but too bad, dun have common sense! Whatever design he propose, ppl haven't even agree with the design, he already do like whole set, which everything looks the same. So, me, not only a junior graphic designer in the office, but also the photographer, sales, uncle supervisor, even LECTURER have to guide him. HE REALLY THINK I M FREE OR WHAT?!! Always you ask him to change something, he will be like okok, then come out totally different. I wonder he can understand human language or not. And that's the reason why i keep asking him to change. But guess what, in the end, the whole calendar, he just do the design part, which is seriously very simple, I did the date arrangement, layout for the calendar, test prints, almost everything. SUPPOSINGLY, I'm only in charge of printing part. During this period of time, all those rubberstamps from his site passed to our office to do. I really cannot think of what else he can do there.

And becuz of that, I exploded! Cuz he is super irritating, still saying, you all dun think i m very free there, i got a lot of things to do too. Aiya, you all got your reason and my reason is excuse. THanks ah! I see this sentence i almost wan to break my phone ok! But forthe sake of chang min i won't! This is the first time i shiver from the anger! Really thanks a lot to this idiot. And till today, i'm still doing the calendar, at the same time, doing his site of rubberstamps, and other stuffs. I have a feeling i m going to continue this BAD MOOD till i finish printing the calendar. HE IS SUPER IRRITATING. I was so damn wrong to think he can help me cut down my work, he is THERE to add on my job load. Oh god! :(

Not much stuff to update, my life still normal. Tired, tired and tired. Except, i miss chang min more! hahahahaha!!! This is a good thing though! Sorry for the randomness. I will try to kick off this bloody mood! Argh!!! T.T

Working life sucks...

Oh people, so sorry for the late update!! haha!! But I think actually not really need to update too since we almost speak to each other every day!! haha!! And I dun think my Malaysia frens wants to read this too... It's ok, I dun really care!

Well, after the last post, long period of being a slacker at home, I finally found a job. Before this job started, I went to Pagesetters four days for emergency help. Shouldn't go there man! Now I compare the current job with Pagesetters, really, THIS COMPANY SUCKS LIKE WHAT MAN!!!

The company is a stationary provider company. They do a lot of rubber stamps and print namecards for ppl. But seriously, one month only, I already cried twice. Everyday drag my feet to there, angry, depress, tired. Repeating the same process over and over again. Well, you might say I m too pampered. But I'm sorry, it's not like I dun want to do, it's TOO MANY THINGS that I NEED to do! WTH! Can u imagine whole company only one designer!? It's really bloody sucking ok!! My jobscope really can divide for two or three person to do. What else can i describe the company except of bloody sucking, irritating, hell all these words?

The colleagues there likes to show off. Especially the stupid idiot boss!!! Always show off how rich he is! WTH! You think only you r rich is it!? Really irritating man! And his sister, omg! Totally like a witch! There's only two good person there, production uncle and the aunty in their branch! I really fell like burn down the whole company man. I try to put up with them, but really can;t stand their attitude! as if I MUST put up with them! WALAO WEI! My temper also not that good ok!!! I was planning to work for at least half year there at first, but now, sorry, I dun think i can put up for three months. They really hitting my limit man!

Everyday go home acting like a walking zombie. Even my aunt know I'm not happy. But what bothering me the most is that, at first, my mum and my sis, keep pushing me to accept the job. Really can't wait for me to go. Ok, but now they see how "GOOD" the company is, immediately they change their mind 360 degree. Now KEEP ASKING ME TO QUIT!!! SEE!!!! Really cannot tahan both of them man!!! What u two want?! U want me to go for work, ok, now i m working but tired like a dead meat everyday, and now u two keep asking me to quit. It's not like i can't bear to leave ok!! (WHO THE HELL WILL FEEL THAT WAY FOR THIS KIND OF COMPANY MAN!) It's that I dun want to be a irresponsible person. I dun wan to spoilt my own reputation and I feel that I have a responsible to do it. I dun wan ppl to think like I cannot take tough job. Till the day I finally faint in the company within these three months I will quit without all these stupid thinking.

I was really disappointed last few days. My mum called few days ago, of cuz, she couldn't find my sis, and I was her back up caller. Then I kind of like telling how the company gave me lesser pay and extend the working hour. I just want to tell her what's happening like I wanted her to know what I did in school, although she never pay attention to me forever. And guess what she said? She just scolded me thru the other end, "just quit la! Work like this everyday come home and lose ur temper, might as well quit!" WTH! So, I was losing my temper to her is it? Or she can't bear to imagine her precious princess daughter to be the victim everyday? I was really so depress that day that I can't controlled myself and cried on the phone while speaking with chan chan! Really very depress. I lost my family entirely. I m now an orphan. (dew, i'm not stealing ur line but really i feel the same way!) I rather be alone. It's really depressing to work in this kind of unappreciative company, and when i think I just lost my dad, i still have my mum, and feel like run to my mum embrace, and my mum push me out. Just imagine how this would hurt. And my sis, just keep thinking i m over react. Actually all of them concern me a lot. Sorry ya, princess sister, please keep in mind, in their heart I was dead long time ago or never exist before. You are their only daughter and the only princess ever! You dun need to do house chores, you can mess the house up, you can do whatever you like without getting a scold. But what m i to them but a maid?! So please stop saying all those kind of stuff. I dun wan to hear it ANYMORE. I m disappointed enough that my heart already dead. If i can fly away to somewhere, I WILL. WITHOUT THINKING!

Currently, i just dun feel any better. I really enjoyed every friday night hang out with u guys. Cuz I can totally forget about all these things. Sigh~ 2009 really sucks to me.

OK, should stop complaining. I'm dead tired. Need a good rest. Hope my next post would be a more positive post. I'm sorry for all the negative posts, people.

Almost....Immuned

I guess i m almost immuned to the pain my family gave me. Although i still feel miserable staying at home, but now seems like those hurtful words not really hurt to me.

Yesterday, again, I came back to the house i called "Home". Well, I dun understand why I still come back when there's no room for me. I always sleep with my mum as u guys knows since my parents sleep seperately. I guess i'm going to fall into a flu as I was suffering from sore throat and feeling unwell. I told my mum, but she really just pretend like never heard anything from me. Well, that's not hurting me anymore since she always react this way to me. But because of this, i was cold. But my mum loves air-con and her MINYAK KAPAK!! OMG! I really hates the smell of 风油. Cuz that will make me hard to breath. So i sneak out from the room and read eclipse outside. In the living room, my sis was watching all about TVXQ. Sigh~ dunno how many times. Then I asked her if she wants to sleep with my mum, she said NO, I m going to on the air-con. well, she just dun like to sleep with my mum. I dun understand, since she loves my mum so much why can't she sleeps with her? Sigh~ then I think of sleep in the living room. But I scared I will get scold the next day. So I wait till the smell get off and got back to the room which belongs to my mum and sleep. Sigh.. Why i can't have my own room when everyone in this house have one? How i wish i can sleep in the living room man. or i shouldn't come back? Well, I have decided, once i start working, I m not going back that often. Once in two or three weeks.

And today, another words from my mum stung me well enough. Me and my sis were eating with my mum in some restaurant. She was telling us some aunty gave birth a baby when she was 40 years old. Then my sis told her there's quite a few of her frens' parents also like that, so my age distance with her is not a big deal. And here comes the hurtful words from my mum. She said, If not that I had took off two babies, that hurt my body till i feel like dying, I'm not going to give birth of you! (Which means she knows it's hurtful to take off baby, and she had took two off, so she dun wan to suffer again so she decided to give birth of me!) Yes, I'm not a baby that everyone was looking forward to. My mum went to the hospital herself. I really thought she wanted me cuz she needs accompany or some other reason. But sorry, as what u saw, i m a burden to her. I m here becuz she dun want to hurt her body anymore. Well, I really rather u took me off. At least i won't suffering like this. At least u dun have to keep complaining about my back, feel that it's a burden to u. But i dun really feel as sad as i discover the betrayer's mistress. i m probably immuned to them. i know one day i will get out of this place. i know this is certainly not a right place to me. i would stick to u for long, no worries. i will disappear someday, till u dun even realise u actually have two daughters. U only have two children. A boy and a girl. i m clear of what i m now. i m the maid. no doubt. It's obvious.

Well, i really not feeling so well. i m going to get a flu. But who else will care in this HOUSE anyway? So, I think the best way to cure would be music. I'm going to rest. sorry for this random enough post. T.T

Memories

I m so in the mood to write blog. But I realise this August is kind of sad for me. All my posts were totally negative. I can't find more than 10 "haha" in my posts. But I'm sorry to disappoint u guys that this might be another negative post.

Yesterday while I was writing the previous post, I was calm, or should I say I m more angry than sad. So I was not crying. But when I saw what Le xin commented, saying her tears dropped when she read my blog. That moment, I really wanted to cry. Cuz I know there always my best frens support around me. Although I like to keep my problem, although I dun like to show my sad face, but I know, no matter how, U guys still by my side supporting me. I felt happy. To have true frens around me.

Just now I was reading what I wrote yesterday. Reminds me to take a look at the father I love the most in the past. Our family dun take a lot of photos, as in Family Photo. I am always so desperate to have one. And there's one, with my grandma, my caring dad, lovely mum, beloved brother and sister and myself. If I'm not wrong, this was taken after my brother's farewell dinner. He was going to study in Australia. Our very first study oversea brother among three families. (Oliver family, Lee family & Tay family) I looked at the photo, as if I have found my own father, the previous one. His look, his sight, his appearance, were so familiar to me that i miss them so much. And then I looked at my brother. I seriously din realise that I miss my brother that much. Once again, I cried. This time I was weeping. then only I realised I was that sad, I was that desperate for a happy family that i used to have.

I was listening to my three favourite korean sad songs. I always do this when I'm sad. I like to listen to them, and cry outloud, cuz i believe after that, I will feel better. I dun get bored of three of them. I can listen to them for thousand times, just keep repeating. I m probably mad or what. then I sat on the floor against the wall, closed my eyes, start to recall my memories of my once happy family. I recalled back how my house looked like before the renovation. I recalled our laughter in the house. I recalled back how my father drag me to my room and force me to sleep. I recalled back how my brother try to trick me to eat carrot. I recalled back the very unfamiliar scene that my mum was telling some jokes to my dad and we all laugh. I recalled back I was on my parents bed, listen to my dad's fart and how I laughed like mad and he faster ran to the toilet. It's supposed to be a funny memory but why m i sitting on this cold floor crying so sad that i can feel my heartache. I really dun feel like open my eyes. I wish I can just turn back the time, all these it's just a nightmare to me. But when I open my eyes, it's the same cold house. I m stil sitting alone, listening to my favourite korean sad songs. Nothing had changed.

Then i decided to flip back my past diaries. I want to see what did I write. Although not much posts, but all are about the sad memories i had. Oh yes, now only i remember. i only write diary when i m sad. Cuz i have no one to talk to. i can only write. and i know at that time, I do hope my parents would knwo how I feel. To my horror, almost every post, I was hoping to die at the moment. i dunno I was that miserable at that time. But not really wan to die, cuz i still have may things not done yet. I end every post with saying goodbye with my parents, asking them to take care. Yes, the memories are back. the darkest period of my life. Or I should say just dark period cuz probably now is darkest just that the difference is that now I have someone to talk to, that time i really dun have anyone.

After flipping thru all the entries, I realised how i envy my sis so much. How my mum din change from that time till now. Still love my sis. I get scold quite often. Even when i was sad for my result, even when my mum forgot to fetch me, even when my body cause them so many trouble and so on. I realised i complaint mostly about my mum. Recording what she said to me about my dad and her words that stung me till now. I mostly wrote that my father doesn't care at all. So, i wrote very little about him. Only one lousy english entry, trying to persuade him to change his attitude, complaining how he treated the maid better than treated us. All the memories flow in. I remember every single scene I wrote. i remember my mum face when she said those hurting words. I remember how others like my sis than me. And to my surprise, over almost 6 years, things doesn't change much and seems like getting worse. My mum still love my sis more. my brother i think needless to say ok! My father, even worse. 2003 my mum told me there's a woman keep calling his hp. Wah! 6 years. I din know he is so good at keeping secret. Of cuz my mum got no evident. She just think there's someone out there. over so many years, he is worse. so all these years I suffered so much just because of that bloody bitchy slut out there?

Now only I know, my father already left me for so many years. even before I graduated from primary school. How can he just left like that? I dun even have time to say goodbye to him. I dun even have time to tell him, I love him a lot. How can he just left like that? I have been an idiots for so many years, still hoping he will come back. But WHY he dun tell me he is going to leave and another stranger going to replace him? suddenly, i m scared. I had live with a stranger who I tot is my father for so so long time. Trying to put up with him, trying to drag him back. Like what I wrote in my diary, I need to beg to the god that hoping there's no fight between my parents. Even till now, I'm still begging. I felt tat I m very pathetic. Since I were a kid, nobody likes me. till now, still the same. Oh probably slightly better now. Cuz i have u guys by my side. Now only i know why I m so lucky to meet u guys. Probably my wai po saw me so she leads me to u guys. that's the way i m trying to convince myself. Although i dun really think my wai po will remember me. But I feel better to think this way.

I need a break. I started to hate the house i called home. I dun have my own room. Everytime I come back, my only job is to keep the house clean. What did the house give me in return? Hurt, bad memories, sad. Yes, I think the wall in my house is the only one tat really understand me in this house. They saw me crying alone, weeping alone, get scold from my parents and so much more. But I m really scared now. I got NO HOME. Not any single place that I can feel safe and peaceful. I m homeless. I m scared to step into this house again. I dun wan to face my parents. I dun wan to face the stranger, I dun wan to hear my mum complaints. I HAVE ENOUGH OF THAT!! WOULD U GUYS JUST LEAVE ME ALONE? I dun understand why my mum wants me back. But now I know, so that she can complain to me. So that i can keep the house. So thatshe can fight my dad with me but not alone although we both knows all these stupid actions are nothing to him. The house had changed. Probably prettier than last time, but what's the point while the people inside dun feel happy anymore? Sometimes I rather my dad din earn much money. Although i dunno how much he earned only till my cousin's incident then only i realise he WAS tat rich. Yea, only rich business man will attract sluts.

This is no longer my home. I hate this kind of feel. I got no place to go. I wan to fly off to Australia to look for my brother but I wonder he would like to see me. And WHERE TO FIND THE MONEY?! Singapore? NO! It's not ALONE!! I wan to go somewhere ALONE. that i dun need to see all these things. I wan to go somewhere I will feel peaceful, feel relax. But where? I have no idea. My eyes are aching. Probably too much water flow out just now. Sigh.... So these are my teenage memories? So this is the conclusion I get? Probably i was bad enough in my last life that I DESERVE all these now. Why is this tunnel so long? I walk for almost 10 years, but still haven't found the exit to get out. I wonder when can I find my exit... another 10 years? or never......

I'm officially fatherless

Yes, after my last post, i think this is no longershocking to u guys la. Well, like I said, I m officially fatherless from now.

26 August 2009, 10 days after my 21st birthday, my dad gave me the best present ever - I found that he really having an affair with a bloody sickening irritating woman. I dunno who is she, but i hate her right bottom from my heart for destructing my fragile enough family.

How i found that my father having an affair with someone? Well, I just know it. U might be thinking i m just wasting my time rubbishing here, think too much, but so sorry, I got all the evidences!! How i wish he can read this post with his bloody irritating slut.

When i confirmed the fact that he really betrayed my mum and us, of cuz I cried. Although i more or less can guess that he has a mistress outside, but I think I still secretly hope that it's just me being too sensitive. It's just me that I think too much. And I think that's y I cried. But to my surprise, I dun really feel sad about it. I cried for a while, feeling miserable that moment. But after that, all back to normal. So normal that made me scared. I tried to figure out why I dun feel sad after that. Then I came to a conclusion that, because the guy in my house who i called dad is no longer my former beloved caring FATHER. He is no longer that father who used to dote me a lot, care for the family, care for his children, the wise man I used to respect a lot. The current stranger in my house, I dunno him at all. He is totally a different person from my father. I dunno where my beloved father had gone. I think he already vanished from this world forever. And because that stranger already drilled a big hole in my heart and now it's not a big deal.

I think a lot after i found out that my so call "father" betrayed my family. I m so angry and was super sad. I felt betrayed. U know what? When my parents started not to talk to each other, I still secretly hope that one day my "father" will change back to the previous one and treat my mum well. So everytime, when my "father" in good mood, do something that we think that as improvement, I can see how happy my mum actually was. And of cuz, I was happy to see that. Cuz my family not going to end miserably. And now i think back, I felt like a retard. I felt cheated. We tolerated for his weird temper all the time, I worked so hard to be the ideal daughter in his mind, my mum worked so hard to maintain his career, and see what we get. Betrayer! Liar! I was seriously too mad that I felt like burn down his room. Yes! "father" U better read this post now ok!! Before he went to China, I avoided him by hiding in Singapore. Cuz I was sad. As u can see from my previous post. But since that day till now, I din speak a word to my "father". Before this, I think it's me being too petty. But now, I think i m right. Cuz now when i look at him, I think he is such a dirty irritating man. Everytime he grabs his car key, I will tell myself, 'yes, time to meet the slut!' Like what i told le xin, if ever let me see who is she, I m going to slap her on her face till she's swollen!!! I dun care if my "dad" wan to kill me afterward, I wan to slap her face with my own hand!

I want to ask my "dad", so are u happy now, with ur new girlfren? thanks so much for all the miserable life u gave me ok! Thanks so much to set me and my mum both into depression during my sec school period. Thanks for always trying to start a fight with my mum and set me as the victim afterward. Thank god! I m really thankful to U for letting me know he has a mistress outside. I m miserable enough. I dunno who can i talk to. Definitely not my mum, I'm not that dumb! My brother? hopeless, I dun think he can do anything. My sister? Even worse, she will end up doing something that can cause my life even more miserable as u guys know she is the best daughter in the world. I got no one to talk to, but u guys, my closest frens! Nobody else bother to read my blog even i dun set a password. Pls forgive me I can't tell u guys one by one. cuz that day when I talk to Le xin, I almost going to cry on the phone. I dun think i can handle.

I do love my parents. I love my dad. the previous one. Not I wan to be mean, but as u guys can see, how my 'father" stab me to kill my heart personally. I m not gonna forgive a betrayer like him. He is the one who killed me and the family. Now he is such an eyesore to me! He is so dirty. Everytime i saw him i keep recall those words he sent to his girlfriend. Seriously, he is way too overboard. Now i dun care about him anymore. But too indifferent to him, might get scold from my sis for being so rude to him. But i dun care and dun mind. Myself know the truth should be enough. I dun wan any other from my family get hurt like me. Of cuz, i will still try harder to be filial to him. But dun get that wrong, I m just trying to pay off all my debts. The debt that he used to love me as a daughter, the debt that provided me a good environment and so on. From now on, I dun wan to use the dirty money he earned. Anything from him is a NO! I will work harder to earn my own sch fees.

Well, what is this house to him? Just a house for him to stay. What is my mum to him? A cook to him so that he dun need to eat outside everyday. What is me to him? A maid to clean his room and change the bedsheet, pay his phone bill and etc. What is my sister to him? His daughter. Only daughter that going to take over his business, so that he can go without worrying, probably go somewhere with that slutty bitch. I dunno. And my brother? Of cuz still his son. He is always concern about him the most. I can see that thru his every little actions. I'm good at observing people.

I dun bear to see my mum now. I can't bear to see she is happy for any of my "father"'s improvement. I can't bear to see she works so hard for the man who betrayed her.

What did i do wrong? Is it that I DUN deserve a happy family? Yes, ppl might be envy that, I got a comfort house to stay, two siblings who cares for me, money to buy anything i wan. But I M NOT HAPPY! So what's the point? He was torturing me all these years. I HATE him! Seriously! Before I know all this, I tot my mum might did something to provoke him without her knowing. It's just his weird temper. After all, he is still my dad. But now NO! I feel like let myself keep bleeding, I wan to bleed out all the blood from my body. I dun wan to have HIS genes in my body. I even think of plastic surgery like what Michael Jackson did just to look different from his father. I m miserable enough. And now, I m dead. my heart is dead. Only when today my mum passed my brother's call to me, knowing that someone still concern me the most out there in this family (of cuz my sister concern about me too), then i know, i'm not fully dead. cuz I still have them, and my mum. But that man already made me a dying zombie. 70% died. Thanks to him. HE had lost all my respect to him, although he dun even care.

I deserve a lightning strike for talking all these here. But this is supposed to be a place for me to throw out anything I wan. I m hoping him to read this with that slut! I wan him to know how he KILLED his daughter with his hand and I will never forgive him! Even the lightning going to strike on me now, I still hate him no matter what! I rather die than sitting here to be recognize as his daughter.

U might think I m just over-react. But could u tolerate ur father to have an affair outside? Who knows one day will they be anyone coming to my house saying that they are my "father"'s children? My behaviour might be too much, but I'm sorry! I can't tolerate betrayer. Especially when i look at my mum, I felt so sorry to her.

Goodbye to my beloved dad, the previous one. I will love u always right in my heart although i know u will never never come back to me. I miss u, dad! And the stranger in my house! if u ever hurt my mum again, U watch and see what I will do to u and ur slutty bitchy girlfren! Of cuz i won't do something too extreme but I wan u to feel guilty till ur next life for hurting MY FAMILY!

Happy 21st... to myself

Yes, I'm officially 21 now. Well, like i said, I wasn't looking forward to this meaningful birthday. I felt bad.

Well, my father went to China as planned. So my birthday he was definitely out. But how sarcastic, theday before my birthday, i went to buy a handphone for my dad's present with my sis. We wanted to buy him one for so long, but u guys know my sis rite, totally if u dun push her she dun move one! Ask her to ask for the price and look for information, she took forever to do it. So, I straight away drag her there and buy it! Of cuz three of us share la. But I m just wondering. I dunno if he won't scold us or whatever. I wonder he would like it, but now it doesn't matter to me any more.

the day before my birthday, my mum asked a few of her frens, my godmother, three little cuties (including my new little brother Li Ge and his two sister Li Jie & Li Huan) and their lovely mother to our house. My mum cooked the dinner, and of cuz needless to say, I was the maid to do the housechores. Seriously, i can't imagine if i go Australia for years, how this house would turn like man! Just two weeks time, the house already a total MESS!! My sister seriously very good at this ok!! And my mum dun even wan to speak a word! I seriously wonder m i born to be their maid!!!!!!!! But I know, I m just a maid at home. My sister is the princess. I HATE sharing room with her! I HATE sharing room with others. I dun wan to sleep with my mum too. But only her princess can have one whole room, If i go over now, she will be sensative again, say i m like my father again. But all my things still in my room with my sis. The day i came back, I went into my room, I almost faint on the spot! How i wish i can just die now man!! It's a total MESS!!! How come that princess can stay in the rubbish one!!?? When I opened my cupboard, wanting to keep those clothes on the bed, I really wish I can just BURN all her clothes off!! Why everytime i need to fold and fold. It's like I'm keeping things in front, she is throwing things behind! I was SO ANGRY that I throw things, I cried. Seriously I wan to get out of this house one day!!!!!!! I dun wan to stay with her anymore!! In Singapore I need to keep the room for her, come back I still have to! I m BORN TO BE MAID!

Yes, saturday, while mum busy preparing the food, I swept the floor, mopped the floor, tidy up things and wiped all tables in my house plus my mum's things. Tired till i wan to faint. But guess what the princess was doing? Watching drama using the com and do her cross stitch. BUSY rite? that's y i need to do all these myself! And it was my birthday if i m not wrong. thanks.

But I had a good time due to my cute new little brother. HAHA! He brought me one box of London Strawberry Roll for my present! hahahaha!! So cute!! I bought some toys for three of them in toy museum, give them as a little gift. they were super happy! :) then he sang me the birthday song beside my ear, with all of them la, after that, he blew off my candles! hahahaha!! I dun get any chance to blow! hahaha!! So funny, then he said innocently, u all said ok one mah! HAHAHAH!! So cute!! Then he sang the chinese version to me again, and this time we blew together! HAHA! Really thanks to him, if not I dun think my birthday will be happy.

Right after the celebration, we rushed to my best buddy in klg - Justin's house. He has the same birthday as mine and he was having a big party there! but then my mum suddenly said she not going with us, cuz her frens asked her to go out. Great right?! Well, that's my parents. Then I went there with my sis, I felt like an orphan. I got no parents. Justin's parents was by his side, and my parents? One went to China, one went out to meet fren. Yes! No big deal. But m I that irritating that even just ten minutes u can't go with me. When Justin asked me where's my mum, I just tell him, with frens. When I was chatting with Uncle Lee, one of my dad's best fren, He said : "Ur father told me he is going to china next week. I also dunno which week he mention. then he said is 11 august that week, then i was wondering, Sunday not Khai Xin's birthday meh?" Even the Uncle Lee remember, why can't my dad remember too! Purposely choose this day to embarrass me. Nicholas even teased me whether my dad going to take china PR! YES! Faster go take and dun come back again!

Actual day, nothing different from other sunday. Lying here and there. reading New Moon. night time my mum said her frens asked her to go out have dinner so i tag along. I tot is just a dinner. Sorry ar, it's just a bunch of aunties, sitting in the Karaoke, singing and playing there. My 21st birthday, need to take pictures for aunties, listening to awful singing. Actually my mum brought me there to be driver and jsut have dinner there. She is the one who go there and PLAY! Then, I'm so thankful to my xiao di and Fui Ting. they save me out of this terrible place. So I drove out to celebrate with them. Actually just five of us la. chatting and eat cakes. But that's more than enough for me. thanks xiao di for specially come back this week. But guess what, before that my mum said she will ask ppl fetch her back, yes, the ppl is ME! It was my birthday, can't i just enjoy my time with my frens for just few hours. So, I drive back to fetch her and her fren back. Then drive out again. How I hope i got into accident and die on the day of my birthday! they hurt me a lot. I m not the one who think i m a maid myself. It's their behaviour that tells me u r just a maid and driver. But I was happy at least for that few hours with my frens. If not, i might sink into depression at home, crying alone again.

I wanna get out of this hell. seriously. I hate this kind of feeling! I dun wan to stay with my sis! I wan to stay alone! Everytime i tell her to tidy up her things in the end i get scold. Yes! How can a maid scold the princess.. Sigh.. This birthday was memorable enough, but in a very wrong way.

thanks to all of u for sending me birthday wishes. I knew i still got frens to support me. :) It's really sweet of u guys! And I love all my family members in Singapore. U guys are always my support ok! Without u guys I might not be able to write blog here. thanks!

21st birthday, I wish I get a nice job soon. I wish TVXQ will not disband and all of us can marry TVXQ la!! haha!! then I wish everyone around me, happy and healthy always~ Happy birthday to myself. ;)

我的爸爸...去了哪里？

现在已经凌晨5点多了，可是我却一点也不想睡。原来一个人伤心到极点时，是会吃不下睡不着的。原来电视剧从来都没有欺骗过观众。我，就好像戏里的主角，夜深人静时，一个人听着歌，坐在床上，突然想起了以前的那个爸爸。

曾经，我想过投稿一篇文章到小学时的星星报。我想写关于我的偶像，于是我不停的挣扎，该写妈妈还是爸爸。因为在我心里，他们都是。妈妈进得厨房，出得厅堂。爸爸好像一个万能的人，好像没有什么东西难倒得了他。我，其实很想写关于我的爸爸，但最后我好像还是没有写，反而投稿了在学校的其中一篇作文。对，曾经，我的爸爸是我的偶像。

其实，在这种夜深人静的时候，不睡觉，反而写这些，在别人看来，可能只是一个幼稚又不成熟的行为。我本来也不想写，但是想着想着还是又打开了电脑。因为这是我活了这么久以来，第一次真正明白什么是心痛的感觉。也许这篇文章会给你们带来负担，但对不起，我真的只想抒发情绪。

刚才听着歌，看着快天亮的夜空，我回想起了以前那个疼爱我的爸爸。从我小时候，一直到现在，爸爸的变化。

爸爸，

您还记得吗？小时候，您最疼的就是我。而我也比较喜欢粘着您，因为妈妈太凶了。
还记得那张您抱着大概3岁时的我的照片，当时您是笑得多么开心。
还记得以前幼稚园时，一睡醒，就起身帮您跑到迷你市场买报纸，之后您总会把剩下的两角钱给我当跑腿费。
还记得以前上幼稚园，虽然学校离家很近，但您每次都会载我去上学。
以前的我，很爱撒娇。时常半夜跑到你们的房间，挤在爸妈中间睡觉，因为我觉得很有安全感。
还记得小时候，我很怕黑，总要开着厕所的灯，才没那么害怕，这可害惨了姐姐。所以您买了一个猫眼灯，放在房里。这样我就不会害怕。
还记得以前，到了晚上10点，你一定会拖着我去睡觉。即使在那个暂时住的家，你曾把我当拐杖，扶着我一步一步慢慢的上楼睡觉。
我还记得你总喜欢跟我开玩笑，把我骗得团团转。
晚上看电视时，我总会坐在你的sarong上吃花生，就好像在荡秋千一样。
我总会问你很多奇奇怪怪的问题，你也总会用你的幽默来回答我，让我觉得我的爸爸很有趣。
记得有一次，放学回来，我很累，不肯去冲凉，你用打苍蝇的扫把一路把我从客厅打到冲凉房去。姐姐说，我很厉害，因为他是第一次看爸爸打人。
记得礼拜天，我早起时，总会用瘙痒脚板的方式叫醒你。因为你是这么叫醒我的。
记得当我考试考得不好，只拿60几分，被妈妈骂后，你对我说：干嘛拿这么多分？不是越少分越好吗？应该拿零嘛！听完后，心情不好的我还是笑了。这是你安慰我的方式。
还记得每次开学前一天，我总会紧张得睡不着觉，你教了我一个到现在我还在用的方法。就是一直想着relax.. relax..
还记得假期时，你总会带我们一家人去玩。星期天也总是跟uncle Lee 一家人一起去吃早餐。
还记得上长城时，你拉我跟你和导游uncle一起上到更高的地方。
还记得我参加游泳比赛，每次拿奖牌回来，你故意泼我冷水的时候。“你拿第一？只有你一个人比啊？”
还记得刚上中学，很多东西不明白，您很有耐心的，一样一样教我，虽然你的马来文挺烂的。

当然也许还有好多好多是我记不得的。但是这么一个好爸爸，在我初中一左右，就慢慢地失踪了。反而站在我眼前的，是一个很陌生的爸爸。这个爸爸，不知道为了什么，突然不跟妈妈说话，突然变得讨厌妈妈，害得妈妈天天借酒消愁，天天以泪洗面。自己有多迟回家就呆多迟。您知道吗，因为你，那段时间成为了我这一辈子再也不想回忆的时间。因为我是看着妈妈为了你有多伤心，时不时就去看看妈妈，因为我怕他会自杀，我怕他会离开我，我怕他会跟你离婚。我的眼泪，流得最多就是那段时间。老实说，我很痛苦，因为我真的不想看到你们离婚。所以我告诉自己一定要尽可能不让你们吵架。每当去到同学家，看见别人的家庭那么美好，总会很难过。放学回家，别人都是父母载送，我不是坐朋友的顺风车，就是舅舅载我。就算有一天舅舅忘了载我，当我回到家时，只剩佣人。你们一点也不担心，载我回家的是同车的同学的父母。当我看到他们一家人来载他，我当下真想哭出来，但我还是忍了。因为我想，你们应该会在家等我。结果我真的是白痴，因为我回来时，家里已经空无一人，只剩佣人。

一直到现在，这个爸爸只有让我越来越失望。在我的记忆里，这一段时间，我记起的只有你骂我，投诉这个，投诉那个的那张脸。我忘了你笑起来是什么样子。我只记得强词夺理的你，不顾后果我行我素的你。就因为你，我总是成为这场战争的受害者。妈妈因为你心情不好，就出气在我身上。我回家时，你宁可去跑步也不来载我回家，让我只能在巴士上偷偷流泪。而回家的路上，又得莫名其妙地挨骂。每次跟你商量事情，你想回答才回答，不想回答就一走了之，留下一个烂摊让我收场。哥哥的毕业典礼有你，姐姐的毕业典礼，有妈妈跟奶奶，也许你要工作走不开，而我的毕业典礼，只有姐姐和妈妈。你跟奶奶说，继续借钱给那个废物，会对不起你的孩子。原来你一直都对哥哥姐姐感到愧疚，可是你却没有因为没让我上大学而感到丝毫愧疚。我真的很难过，但我告诉自己，算了，因为你现在有困难，考到了执照，我读不读大学也不重要，就好像你说的。但是为什么你连让我读大学的想法都没有。那也算了。待在家的几个月，我也尽量做到让你无可挑剔。你不喜欢的，我统统都改了。你不喜欢乱，那我就收拾。总之就是想办法让你没借口来骂妈妈。但是，我现在才发现，我真的很傻，因为不管我做什么，你都不会喜欢，你也看不见。在家里我只是个佣人。无论我多努力，你都不会看到我的存在。一样我行我素，想去哪里就去哪里，留下生气的妈妈和被出气的我。但是当我听到我生日时，你去旅行，我才真正的了解，以前疼爱我的爸爸，在我的心里，已经去了一个很遥远的地方，永永远远都不会回来了。也许你们觉得我很幼稚，但是我只是希望，21岁生日，这么有意义的一天，我们一家可以和平的，不吵架，好好吃一顿晚饭，吃个蛋糕，之后你要出去也好随便你。但是更讽刺的是，别人的爸爸要为他的儿子开派对。我的爸爸竟然去旅行。我想你根本就不记得。谢谢你，因为这一次我才透彻的醒过来了。你没有可能会变回以前那个爸爸。我知道说到底你还是我的爸爸，但是很对不起，你的一切一切让我失去了对你的尊敬。往后我还是会继续做到不让你失望，继续尽我的孝道，只是很抱歉，你已经不是那个我最敬爱的爸爸了。我只是为了不让战争继续，为了报答你对我的养育之恩。我的心，已经快死了。要是你身边真的有另一个女人，很好，那我的心就是被你亲手杀死了。

也许你们觉得没什么大不了，但是对我来说， 已经负荷不了了。所以，以前的那个爸爸，他，还会回来吗？我想不会，但我希望下辈子，那个离我而去的爸爸，能够回来。

Heartaching...

Yes! Right now my heart is aching. I am sad right now. Really sad. Of cuz it's something to do with my family again. I wonder why i couldn't have a happy family.

Last three weeks, I was in Malaysia. As a maid at home. Well, all these years, since my parents start the war, I did a lot of things to prevent the fight. My mum is a very forgetful person. She always forget what she bought and leave it there till that things expired or rotten. And my father is a very neat person. He cannot stand of all these things. My mum and sis are kind of messy too. Their rooms and belongings, sigh, even me also mou ngan tai! And my dad is very good at picking out all these flaws!! He dun like messy dirty house. He dun like the slippers anyhow place at the doorstep. He dun like junk food at home. He dun like my mum's car, cuz it's always messy and with lot's of bird droppings. And my mum got no time to wash the car, so forgetful to throw away her tissue. There's a lot more. But all these years, since the war started, I did tons of thing just try to prevent the fight. I know what my father dun like, so all these years, I put in so many effort just try to make him satisfied. Till now, i dunno how many hei guo i help my mum and sis to bear. Even till now, I m still doing it. I just hope they can stop fighting. Everytime they talking to each other, i m nervous, that's very pathetic right. I just scared my dad would provoke my mum and again i will be the victim. Cuz my mum would start to complaint to me. That's my family.

Recently, I m more disappointed with my parents. No matter how hard i try, they just can't see me. My dad feels sorry to my brother and sis for keep on borrowing money to my cousin. But when i approached him and told him i got accepted by RMIT, he just asked me, what course is that, and only look at the cover of the brochure, and look back to his computer. He dun even have the thoughts of let me continue my study. It's just all my fat hope thought that he would wan me to continue. He said if i take his remisier license, then dun need all that. Ok, but why u din even think of at least let me finish a degree. Ok, that's fine. I can earn my own money, go and study part time course. Cuz all his money belongs to my cousin. Not mine. I dun wan to take either. And my father very bad habit, he likes to go travel without telling anyone at home. My father going to travel, i knew it from my aunt. Funny rite? and if my aunt not telling us, so i suppose my dad missing somewhere else is it? He only said he will be back on which day but dun even tell u where he go. And the most recent one, he just came back from thailand not long ago. Now he is going to China. Ok, then i ask my aunt when, she said 11 aug to 17 aug. That's GREAT MAN!! He dun even wan to stay for his daughter 21st birthday. What i wan is really not that much. Just whole family have a dinner together, then have a cake. Even after that he is going out as usual, i dun mind too. But now he dun even wan to stay. Yes, it's funny and kind of pathetic. The guy whose birthday exactly same as me, his father going to held a party for him. That's sound so sarcastic to me. I m totally give up all my hope on my dad. He is not my father i used to have. I only do whatever he likes. Din even care what will end up to me. (be my mum 出气筒)

And my mum, was very angry with my dad. First, just go travel anywhere he wants, and leave her work hard for him. Second, work so hard all money goes to my cousin pocket. And of course, what do u think i will end up? My mum din talk to me for two days. As if I persuade my dad to do so. Sometimes i wonder why she dislike me so much, is it i look like my dad? Whatever i complaint to her, especially about my sis, she pretend never hear anything. Even i complaint something else, she dun have any response too. I m so so so sad and disappointed. Well, did i do anything wrong? Why i always go back to my hometown? Cuz I wan to go home be the middle man, to prevent their fight, to prevent they divorce. But now all seems so so useless. And I highly suspect my dad kept a mistress. I peep at his msg although i know it's not good to do tat. I m TOTALLY DISAPPOINTED to the man in my house i call him DAD. If this is a truth, I will have no respect at all to him! He can't blame me for that, cuz it's him to turn me like this. He seriously dunno how many litres of tears I dropped just because of him!

I always envy those people who have a happy family. Why I couldn't have one? I m so so so stress especially these few months. Just over all these family matters.

And another thing hurt my heart, TVXQ probably gonna disband. Although I strongly believe they won't, but still, I'm scared. It's their music and videos occupied me so tat i dun need to think much about my family. It's them who brighten my days, so i can't imagine if they really disband, how sad i will be. I m sure i will cry in front of the monitor. Cuz it's like my BEST "accompany" gonna leave me. If not them occupied my times, i might already fell into depression. That's also the reason i love to collect CDs. Cuz during the most depressing period i experienced before, I depend to them, CDs. Just look at them i feel happy enough.

My heart is aching, non-stop. I can't control my tears. They keep falling down from my eyes. I dunno when are they going to stop. Probably this would be another depressing period. Birthday, I used to look forward to, but this year, I m gonna be even more sad than any other day. 21st birthday, where is my father? Does he remember that? Or he dun even know, i m 21st this year and when is my birthday? That's the more persuasive answer. And i m this guy's daughter... unfortunately.

I wonder how my father would react if he happen to see this post. It's the same thought. I wonder what if one day i die in an accident, how would he feel or react? Dun worry ppl, I m not gg to die. It's just tat something i wish to know.

Thanks dewy for always by my side comfort me! Thanks to my sisters too! I know u guys always by my side too. If weren't you guys, I might not be that strong. But i'm really sorry, i can't control my heart to ache. I might be depress recently just bear with me ok. Trust me it's not easy to be optimistic.

I want this!!!!

I'm sorry that this is a bit too random!! But seriously!! I love this little creature!!!! SO cute!! I just happen to see it in one of the Han Hyo Joo's interview. She was holding this little creature!! So cuteeeeeeeeeeeeee!! I love it man!!

After some research, that little rabbit is from a korean brand called cottiny - selling all girl's accessories. All of them are so cute k!!! Argh!! I want the hair band!! It's damn cute ok!!!

Dang dang!! Cute rite!!! I want this man!! Anyone who knows korean can help me buy?!! Omg!! I love this little creature!! Argh!! I wan to sew one for myself!! Even just a little doll!! hahah!! Dun Care!!! I want to draw it into my book also!! So cute~~ :)

www.cottiny.com/shopping Feel free to go and surf this website!! I love the website design!! So cute and nice!! I like the style too!! Go and check out their earrings and so on!! Oh pls~ Can someone import them in?!!

Another sad thing to share. Yesterday while I was searching TVXQ's new pic, I saw one of their collectible from their premium showcase 2009. It's a miniature CD album key holder! OMG!! SO NICE OK!! I wan to own one la!! I love miniature stuff!! And this one is my favourite CD album man!! I told myself! Yes! I must buy it!! But too bad, after i ordered in star-tot, one hour later they told me it's out of stock!! I feel so so so so sad ok!! Omg!! Can someone make for me or tell me where to buy it!! I wan it so badly man!! :(

Ok! Random enough! Haha! Well, recently seems like ppl around me loves kpop a lot man!! I got shocked when i passed by my "cave" cousin room that day, i hear shinee love like oxygen!! Then I heard she played sorry sorry too!! Omg!! I couldn't imagine man! Sometimes in bus also heard some other ppl talking about kpop, watching kpop video and so on. Wah!! See! that's how successful kpop is!! That's also why i love it so much that can't leave without them!! haha! Kpop rocks man!! Well, of cuz my TVXQ or THSK rocks too! Check out their newest single - Stand by you! I'm going to buy this single k!! I love this song a lot a lot!! It's really nice!!! Go youtube to search for their live performance!! It's great and worth to hear!!

Okok!! Finish what I wan to say!! I wish all the above items can buy some where!! But I think the chance is kind of low la! Especially my TVXQ Miniature CD! NVM!! One day i'm gonna make a miniature cd album book!! hahahah!!! YES!! ok!! Should go to sleep!! OK! End with my charming chang min photo!!! Dun faint out ya!! Hahahaaha!!

I must blog this!!!

Haha! The title sounds a bit exaggerating, but seriously i need to tell u guys this! Haha!

Today, as usual, sleep till noon time, my mum fetch me to the new office after lunch to help out. Not much things to do though. So I decided to go supermarket nearby to buy a packet of oats since our home one finished already. My mum gave me a RM50 note, so i kept in my pocket. I'm not gg to carry my bag since it's just within walking distance. (I dun mind walk there cuz the office is damn cold already!! Need to go out for a walk!!) So, I bring my favourite i-pod with me and my phone. I brought another RM10 to buy magazines. I put my RM10 note in my pocket as well.. Then as I walk, I was playing with my i-pod, suddenly realize my RM50 note GONE!!!! Shit!!! Surely drop out when i pull out my i-pod. So I immediate turn back to find. Before I realize that, there were two gals (I think around 15 or 16 years old, Still studying sec school one la!) passed by me. So I quickly turn back and find whether i accidentally drop somewhere! I was very nervous k!! RM 50 le!! Not RM5 man!! Then as i turn back i saw one of the gal quickly picked something from the floor and run with her fren. So i immediate chase after her la, but she din realize, then that two girls even hold hands and scream at the corridor and continue running. I then manage to call one of them and said : Xiao mei, the RM50 note u picked just is mine! She looked damn scared ok!! haha! and said: oh it's yours ar, then pass me the money from her pocket. The note already crumpled like what man! Then I go off and saw her run off too cuz the other one already go off. I was like phew man! Thank god she is willing to give me back la!! If not ar my mum will kill me and i will heartache till i died man!! Always so blur!!!

Then after I bought my oats, on my way back to the office, I saw tat two girls again, with a group of fren. They passed by the place where i drop my money and point there, i think she was telling her frens about it. then I was thinking whether i wan to siam. But I din do anything wrong mah! So I just walk passed them. The first gal can recognize me(the one who run off first) and tell her bf i think, they both stared at me, then a few gals including the one who return me money also stared at me, I feel like she wants to talk to me or what but sorry huh! I was with my i-pod, can't hear anything, I just pretend like i dun recognize them and go man. If not ar, die man! Maybe i need to hand up my money to them lo!! In the end i din used that Rm50 and return to my mum! Too dangerous outside!! hahaha!

I was so disappointed with the gal gal and boy boy nowadays man. Seriously! Just take two of them as example, wah! Pick up money and run, scream!!!! Wasei!! Baliak man!! actually honestly if i saw RM50 note I might not pick up man, even i pick up i will stand there and wait for the owner to come or give it to the beggar nearby. Cuz first this might be the money that someone need it urgently. Second, it's very bad to take other ppl's money, I would feel like i owe the owner without knowing who is he or she. If i take the money I would die of guilty!!! Omg!! Somemore dunno whether it is a xian jing that ppl apply black magic on the note once u pick it up u kena!! Last time I saw a RM10 note on the corridor and i just tell my mum and din pick up, I plan to just go.. But, u know my mum la, money le! Then she said pick up la, then i was like: har? dun wan la! Then she said go pick up!!! So no choice have to take, if i m alone i sure pick up and give the beggar or pretend nvr see!! I'm very scared of this one le!! then my mum said if u dare not keep use it la! So i just follow her order and buy fruits and the changes I gave to my mum!! I dun wan to die of guilty! But I did eat the fruits and shout a big thank you to the owner of RM10 note! Haha!

But compared to the RM10, my RM50 is really a big money k!!! If they two dun return me i can die!! cuz i never take down the number, the only way to prove is to drag them to my mum's office and ask my mum! Thank god no need to do that man!! If not i will kena scold like what!!

And this is also why i said i must blog this!!! Cuz i can't tell anyone here!!! I sure get scold!! haha! And frens! Remember to be honest!! At least the first thing i wan my children to learn, to be honest when u saw money on the floor!!! HAHAHA!!

哭

有时想想，为什么自己这么没用，遇到什么不如意的事就只会哭。
眼泪好像是上天的一个神奇发明，每次哭完后，难过好像会少那么一点点。
但是我很不喜欢，哭着时心里揪着，有种心痛的感觉。
我的名字虽然应该是象征着开心，但是不知道为什么，我很喜欢哭，也很会哭。也许就好像我朋友说的，名字通常是相反的，叫美丽的人不一定美丽，叫开心的人不一定就会开心。
悲观，我想我一直都是。因为我觉得每件事都做好最坏的打算，如果结果是好的，我会觉得很开心; 结果不好的，至少我也已经做好准备去接受。

现在的我，好像站在一个十字路口的中央，四周围围绕着很多很多的车。我不知道我要去那里，也不知道应该选哪条路，只希望能有双带我飞离所有烦恼的翅膀，飞到一个无忧无虑的空间。
我知道，我在逃避选择。我真得很讨厌做选择。尤其是眼前的这个。我知道总有一天我会找到属于我的一片天，但是那天什么时候才来？我讨厌选择，我讨厌没有一个确定的方向。“究竟我该怎么办？”这句话已经不知道在我脑海里跑了几遍。我很气自己为什么不清楚自己要的是什么，为什么就不能做一个决定，只会逃避。有时想要跳开一下，拼了命地去运动，但是当我又想到这个问题时，头就好像快要裂开来了。想着想着，不知不觉，眼泪也就跟着滑下来了。

今天本来不想写这么不愉快的东西，但是我烦恼的根源之一来到我家了。真的很奇怪，不管我有多气，但是看到眼前的奶奶，就是狠不起来。一来怕爸爸不高兴，二来她始终是我奶奶。我真的是个很矛盾的人。骂不出来，又只能生闷气，气到委屈，又莫名奇妙地开始哭。真想一巴掌打醒自己。

算了，牢骚发完了。你们当我under maintainence. 不要理我就好。

但是还是要祝我的爸爸，生日快乐，父亲节快乐！你在我心目中是最棒的爸爸，愿所有的烦恼，不愉快统统离你而去。I love u my daddy~ :)

Unfair...

为什么这个世界这么的不公平？I always tot that it's just a common speech in drama. But now i know i m wrong! There are so many unfair things in this world.

Well, i think it's really a good time to blog now! I feel so lost now! I hate things being so unsure! I m not sure what i m gg to do next. I m not sure what m i going to study. I m not sure whether I GOT THE CHANCE to continue study. I m not sure whether i m suitable to be a remisier. i m not sure whether i m suitable to be a designer. Everythings seems to be so unsure for me. Can someone give me a answer pls? I guess no one will. Only I know what i want! But the biggest problem now is : I REALLY DUNNO WHAT I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got no dream. i dun mind get a remisier license. I dun mind work as designer. But I duno whether i will LIKE to be remisier. I dunno if i wan to be a designer. After three years in TP, I've seen so many good works and realise that I seriously not really talented in this field. Well, business? I'm not sure will do better? What i really hope is not to disappoint my father. He is desperate for remisier to take over his clientsss one day. And this day might come sooner thanks to my BLOODY SICKENING COUSIN SIMON TAY! If u happen to see him pls give him a big kick on his ass!!!!!!

I had mentioned before about that shitty cousin. Yes! My father still paying debt for him! No choice! cuz he dun wan to break his promise to that client. Well, becuz of him, I might not be able to study abroad. I can see my father really dun wish to send me over. He asked me to take the remisier course and get a license. Then u dun need to study degree. dun u think this is so unfair. If all these never happen, my cousin can take over my father's clients(although i dun wan to, but at least when i m sick of design i can snatch back!) I can used up these few years to learn more things, explore more things, then i might know what i really want! Now i m too young to know what i wan for my future!!! If all these never happen, I can go study abroad without worries. I dun need to worry about the money. But since my dad say so, i think he really can't afford. Even he can afford but would be quite hard for him.

He is 61 years old this coming 14th of June. if all these never happen he can retire now. He can go travel to anywhere he want. And last week, I heard my ah mah called him keep on asking him to help that piece of bullshit! Sometimes i really dunno why i will respect a grandmother like her man!!! Why she can't see us!!!! She keep thinking of her grandson! Did she even think of us? If she step in my house and sigh to me! that's it! I'm going to cry and tell her! It's enough! Now Igot no money to continue study! are u satisfied with this?!!!!!!! I can't take it anymore!

If my dad can wait for a few years more, i dun mind to come back and work as remisier. But can i at least get a chance to fly out and explore the world? but I dunno if i can cope if i study abroad. i just dun really feel like stuck in Klg from now till the rest of my life.

Now only i know the world can be that unfair. My father help to send that piece of shit to US study his master or degree. Come back still a piece of shit, need to help him pay his debt.

原来好人不一定有好报。但我相信坚持当好人至少下场不会差到哪里去。我终于发现现实的残酷。但我不会因为这样而变得坏心肠。也绝对不可能会大量到去包容那家人。我只想好好的跟爸爸说：你辛苦了。儿时的承诺，我还是希望能够向您兑现。也许我做不到让你大福大贵的享福，但我仍然希望成为能让你感到骄傲的女儿。但是我该怎么做才好呢...

Can someone tell me what to do? I'm lost. How I wish I could turn back the time...

Graduated!!!

Yes! I was officially graduated from TP yesterday! Hmm.. Very hard to describe, kind of complicated feeling. Happy? Hmm.. Probably yes cuz I had gone thru a lot of hard works and sleepless night to get my diploma! haha! and happy that I did not disappoint my family. Sad? I think probably sad is more than happy. I can't bear to leave my course mates! I'm going to miss them a lot!

Well, although I have experienced three times graduation (as in kindergarden, primary school and secondary school), I understand that no matter how good we are, we still need to seperate one day. Just that I dun wan to face that the DAY was yesterday. 21st of May 2009 here end my poly life. Well, in my 21 years of life(of cuz i live longer, just for now la! haha!) I think this 3 years were the most wonderful and enjoyable period that i ever had! Well, I know i might get shoot but i dun really like Singapore actually. Haha! (so brave! haha!) But I can't deny the fact that I met 4 besties/soulmates/family members here, and a lot of very good friends here!!!! Thanks to all of them, without all of u guys, my poly life won't be that interesting! I love hanging around with u guys! I enjoyed those days we squeeze together in des canteen eating tasty chicken chop, nice malay food, uncle's teh peng and ice milo. I missed those day we kacao in uncle Wilson's print shop, see how he act gay, play in the darkroom and com lab, help out in the super chaotic print shop, celebrating everyone birthday together, go to the library flipping books and so on. Really so so memorable. Throughout these three years, I received countless little present and encouraging letter from my besties and super sweet birthday present and surprise from Wendy, yiling and dudu! I missed those days playing hand's wave with genie - Regina! haha! So memorable right genie! haha!

I really can't bear to leave all of them. As for my besties, I really had tons of memorable moments with them. Thanks for their sacrifices for my first birthday surprise in TP! I still remember that moment i saw that video. I almost tear ok! just that i control myself! haha! Countless outing, gathering, cycling days, Ikea gathering, birthday celebration and so on. We had gone thru a lot with each other. I really cherish our relationship a lot, as important as my family member! I still remember those days we sang in the com lab, watching video together, cried when we were depress and so on. I'm glad that someone would call me and tell me she is miserable and dunno what to do. Of cuz I dun wan my fren to cry but at least when they are depress they think of me! Well, in the future u can still call me up whenever u feel depress or having some problem. Walking atm is still here! hahah! I dun mind to be ur listener!

Although I had a lot of hard time in TP, but I enjoyed a lot! I will never regret to study here, if not i might not meet all my besties here, all my good frens here and enjoyed all the good times with them. Well, people! We made it! We already graduated from TP. No matter what is ur future planning, all the best to whatever u do! Remember i will always be here for u guys! We need to gather more even after we graduate ok! Thanks for being such a wonderful frens in my life and tolerate with all my mistakes and bad temper. U guys will always on my mind! :)

Cheers for graduation and all the best! :)

Love ya,
Khai Xin a.k.a Hee-haw a.k.a Hawy a.k.a Xiao xin a.k.a Khai Khai....... (a lot more! haha!)

Here's the photo! We finally graduated! :) Cheer for our frenship! :)

Probably another rubbish post?

Haha! The title was my exact thinking before i start writing this post! haha! Well, just browse through lexy, sin yee and cloudy's blog! Why nady dun have one man! TSK! haha! So i feel like i need to update something since so long time we haven't meet up! Haha!

Well, these few weeks I was staying in Malaysia. Of cuz i'm still in M'sia now. But how to describe, the lifestyle here is really kind of relax compared to Singapore. Haha! I love driving around but I hate working for my cousin's wife. Omg! can u believe that a diploma holder only get RM 3.85 per hour and still need to work like a dog! OMG! Really so irritating! actually I was planning to rest few weeks at home and maybe go back to Pagesetters and see whether they need designer. But then few weeks ago, my cousin was talking to me in his place in my mum office. I was standing somewhere else, not facing him. He asked me to go and help his wife. I pretend nvr hear it. But too bad, the next morning, she called. I was like SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! I was forced to wake up! (really hate ppl call me during my sleep man! Especially ppl I dun like! tsk! haha!) Then my she said she desperately need designer, cuz she just sacked the malay designer and only left one designer. She said she can't tahan that designer anymore. And her previous worker who agreed to come back din turn up. So, sigh~ She already talked like that I can't even say no rite? Sigh~ So, I went to help. But she din mentioned about the pay at all! So, I also dun really bother la. I dun really follow time. Haha! Late to work, lunch time 1.5 hour! haha! really ultimate. but I really duno she count by hour! WALAO WEI! Two years ago she gave me RM20 per day ok! So, april I think i work for two weeks more, I get RM 288.56! And she din pay me that RM0.56! Omg! I'm gg to faint! Well, I dun really feel like helping her cuz of my stupid cousin k! really wan to bodyslam that whole family! All so yong sui! Working there everything is urgent and unorganized. Somemore irritating client keep pestering u as if i only do her work! TSK! I must say I enjoy the life there but working there really sucks! But the colleagues there all very nice la. Just that the pay sucks, never ending job order and irritating client. My cousin wife is good to me as in attitude but seriously can't believe she give me this type of pay and like hinting why two of us working so slow! OMG! Really!

The jie jie sitting beside me is just the same age with my brother. 30 years old, but totally like 24 only! I got shocked when she said she wan to fetch her son! haha! She is really a good example to learn for actually. She never study design before, she learned all those software in the previous company. All her stuff looks professional, and she is really a good-tempered and meticulous person. How i wish i can be like her, good-tempered.

Well, i haven't tell my cousin's wife I wanna resign but i already declare to all my colleagues: Sorry, close order! haha! Since she found a malay girl designer and I heard that 1st of june another one is coming, so i can go. i'm just there to help out!

Convocation is coming. Next week. I dunno what to wear and got nothing really formal to wear too. Well, that's not so important. Just that suddenly feel kind of depress. Once the convocation is over, we might not see each other that often. I keep asking myself, will we still the same? As in the relationship between five of us. I'm scared. As u guys have heard thousands times U guys are so important to me. I'm really so glad to find four soul mates in my life. Well, I dun really believe in FOREVER. I really dun believe it. I dun think those ppl who saying FOREVER this word can really do what they said. Like the fans to their Idols. I dun say I love TVXQ Forever but i would say i appreciate them even one day they disband(CHOY CHOY CHOY!) I would remember them as one of my favourite band. But guys, if i happen to write frens forever in ur card or letter or whatever, I mean it and I tell myself I MUST really do it till the day I die. Think that magic word only apply to four of u! haha! We are more like family member more than frens i think. I dun wan us to be like stranger. I duno what to do but I will try hard to gather all of us every month! I do missed those days in TP, everything! So memorable. Omg, i think i would cry after the convocation man! Shit! haha!

Well, I might continue study next year. The july semester my brother said a lot of course not available, also a bit too rush to study on july. So might start next year. This period of time, it's good to improve my broken english, learn more stuff and tidy up my portfolio. Ok, damn tired now. I hate working! tsk! I m gonna quit soon! See u guys next week and hug together cry ok! hahah! :)

Can't breath...

I'm sorry guys! Now only i update my blog. I think this is the very right timing to write. I m very depress now. Probably after this post, I would feel better.

Recently, after came back from yogyakarta, (Tell u guys about my trip in my next post with pic! hahah! but have to wait ok! Haha!) I m scared. Really scared. My dad went to china the week after i went holidays. So whole week stay in Malaysia accompany my mum.

The sentence i hate the most now is ppl asking me "what are you going to do after graduate?" Seriously, Hate it! I'm lost! I dunno what should I study. I'm now in a corner, with all my family and frens around me, asking me the same question, especially my sis! She keep forcing me to choose now! Yes! I know that's for my own good, but really, I'm lost. I feel like I'm going mad, whenever she asked me, i just keep quiet. Even I ask my dad, he was like either no answer, or dunno what is he talking about then walk back to his room. I m really damn stress now. I see myself holding my head sitting at a dark corner. I can't find an exit to run away, with all of them behind me forcing me to go out. I m lost. I dunno what to do and what should i do. it's a kind of burden to click in those website to search for sch.

I'm so regret now. I should be more hardworking. now my result is like a piece of shit. I really wonder m i suitable to study design? I got no talent at all. I should be more hardworking. Now this kind of result, who the hell will accept me? With probably the most scary portfolio, i dun think there's any school wan to accept me. Where to go? Australia? I wanted too. I dun like to study in either NTU or NUS. It's just another round of discrimination. Even I want I dun think I can get in too. i really can't breath. I hate that kind of stress.

I was sitting at my living room just now, cried with the sad music. I just need to release all out. I can't do it in front of anyone in my family. I know they are more worried! But I really dunno what to do but cry out. I'm such a useless bum! Always made ppl worry for me. Even my health. Really, the first time i feel so helpless. I'm drowning, and i can't see any helps in front of me. What should I do? I dun wan to disappoint my family. I wonder if I m suitable to study oversea with my lousy english.

Ok enough! Should stop it! I feel much better after throwing all my "rubbish" here. Just ignore ok! :)

Well, these few days I was watching korean drama at home. Beethoven virus and on air. Beethoven virus is a story about a orchestra team. How they fight for their dream. It's nice becuz the actor jang geun suk is handsome! haha! I m envy because they have a dream, which i dun have. And really envy them can fight for their dream. But the love story in that drama sucks! Really kns the female main role! Such a young handsome guy dun wan, in the end fell in love with the old uncle! Walao wei! Not nice! Tsk! Haha!

On air, to me, it's nice. Long ago i wanted to watch it. The story is about how the entertaiment industry working in Korea. An arrogant top star, a very famous storywriter, a new but good director and a caring star manager. the love story between them are nice especially the director and the storywriter. Haha! they are so cute! I love the OST too. The one sided love by Park Yong Ha which act as the director and If.. by Naby(Too bad not nady! haha).. Really very sad song. Shit man! Always like these kind of songs.. Sigh.. But that's why i love Kpop too, their touching music. If u feel too bored can take a look at this drama too. To me is interesting cuz after this drama only I know, to produce a drama really needs a lot of effort. Everyone put in a lot of effort just for the drama. And now i think it is so unfair for the audience to say not nice when they dun even see how hard they work. Even to me the story is not nice, but now i learn to respect every of them. They are always in a hard time!

Wah such a long post. Ok, well, just an update. i m currently working in my cousin wife's print house. Doing boring design job. Although i dun really feel like working there, but too bad la, she only left one designer there, and very hard to find graphic designer in my hometown. So I just go and help her. Sigh.. But wednesday I will go singapore for the swimming class! haha! Hope can meet u guys la. Ok, after this post I should feel better. All my tears, go back to ur house and have a long sleep k! goodnight! all of u! :)

Kkotboda Namja!!!!

Yes! Recently I'm addicted to this Korean Drama - 花样男子! OMG! I got another new bf now! hahaha! Although Chang Min, Xiah, and Min Ho still my bf! (Aiya! Dewy got so many! I can't have four meh?!) Yes! My new bf is... KIM HYUN JOONG! Hahahah! OMG! He is really very charming k! My yun ji hoo!!! Before watching this show, I knew that he is Jae joong and Micky's Best fren! He is also SS501 Leader. Not bad la that band.

Well, his personality really like Jae Joong! No wonder they are best fren now! I tot he is that kind very cool type, sekali like jae joong! Very funny. I m watching 我们结婚了now! Hahaha! He is damn funny and Huang Bo really very pretty! Heehee! Love their couple match! Haha!

Seriously I need to recommand u guys to watch Kkotboda namja! Really very nice to watch! although my Yun Ji Hoo very poor thing, but besides that this show is worth to watch. I like their background, then those costume the actors or actress wear. Next week Korea going to show the last two epidsode. Although I know Ji hoo can't win Jan di's heart, but really very sad that those ppl he likes all not by his side. Awww.. So poor thing. But I should say, hyun joong first time to be actor very successful. He really suits yun ji hoo very well which sometimes makes me think yun ji hoo = Kim Hyun Joong! hahaha! Aww~ going to finish soon! Sigh~ Really hope to watch more man! Haha!

Okok! Back to something related to me! haha! Diploma show finally started yesterday! But seriously i think this year dip show sucks man! Really dunno what to do! Then all so not organise! Even the guest also dunno what to do! I really prefer to have personal panel so that ppl can view ur work better what! Sigh~ Dunno what are they have in their mind man!

Dip show coming which means I'm going to graduate soon. Sigh~ I really dunno what should I do for my further study! Continue study Design or something else? What to study? Where to study? Really have to no idea!! I'm lost! and recently family matters also drive me crazy! I really can't stand that stupid idiot cousin man! walao wei! My father's hard earning money all dump in to pay his stupid debt! OMG! And pls my ah mah! Can u stop complaning how pathetic ur grandson is! Can't u see my father is more pathetic man!!!! Seriously I really need to bodyslam my cousin! Walao wei! IT'S UR DEBT K! WHY SHOULD MY FATHER BEAR THIS FOR U?! Sigh~ My poor father.. Sigh~

Well, dunno what else to say. Really, this matter spoilt all my mood! Ok! Should post something happier! Ok! Enjoy the photos~

Update la!

Ok ok! Since my two little fans keep shouting at the chatter box, Hehe! I'm here to update my blog! But Chan Sin Yee! U also nvr update hor! Haha! Lexy why still jonghyun husband on top?! See u also nvr update! Micky is going to jump down from han jiang k!

Ok! Well, actually dun need to update! haha! Cuz I almost see all my readers everyday man! All my mei liang xin's Malaysia frens, aisk~ Too disappointed man! Tsk tsk tsk!

Well, let's start my long story of eating salah medicine first! haha! I know u guys know what happen la! Just bear with it k! Igot not much things to update mah! Hahah!

Ok, last two weeks, finally everything over! I was free to go for another consultation - the neurosurgeon that I mentioned before - brain scan. It was tuesday! few days before I just experienced terrible skin allergy and got injection on monday! Ouch! Tuesday morning, me, my mummy, my godmother and the little boy - Li Ge set off early like 7.30am to Melaka Pantai hospital! Seriously i dunno how many times I go to hospital for check up man! tsk! we reached there earlier than our appointment time, and wait for almost one and half hour for the doctor. Omg! really wait too long! tsk! Then finally my turn! I went in with all my X-rays, MRI, CT Scan "photo" of my beautiful back spine. Of course, I need to tell my long long story about my back lo! then he did some check up like lift up hands, legs, then close my eyes while standing (think he is checking my balancing) He said everything normal. But the problem I mentioned before - My back brain (Well, I return back all my biology liao! dunno what does it called)'s position really lower than normal ppl but that is born to be like that. And he said looks like this is not the cause of my severe backpain! So he suggested me to go and consult a neurologist which is just few room away. (still wan to write letter! haha!) then inside that clinic DAMN alot of ppl! Omg! then i m the last patient. while waiting to go in and check, I went to consult another doctor which is skin specialist. She is a very soft, gentle kind ladies. She is Chinese. She gave me two bottle of cream to get rid all dark spot on my arms and they are so effective! I can feel it! Much different than before! then I went back ad wait for consultation. the neurologist is a soft malay uncle! Forgot to mention, the first doctor is a Indian man! See, i consulted three different races doctors! haha!

Then when I went into the room, the doctor did some similiar check up and of course need to repeat my story! Seriously I'm considering to record my story down man! then he said need to scan my brain. I'm the last patient so have to wait for few hours, so we went down to the canteen and ate our lunch there. Then about 4.30pm finally my turn! The nurse "paste" i think about 20 wyers on my head and ask my to close my eyes relax on the bed. After 15 minutes, she asked me to call my mum in. After tat scan my hair damn disgusting, because of the gel she apply on to stick the wyers! then the doctor came and said oh, it's brain cells problem. Some brain cells are inactive. Then I have to take three months medicine to recover. He kept saying "slowly u will recover" like how adult bluff kids! I was like Err.. Ok..

then I followed the intruction, took for those medicine for two weeks. I'm so sorry to chan chan and Lexy! cuz I keep sleeping during our Dong Bang trip! I really can't than man! too sleepy after taking medicine! then! Here's the bigger problem! After two weeks, while I was at Chan chan hometown, I realised that my hands and legs keep shivering! Lexy and chan chan also noticed tat! Then I went back and tell my mum cuz I suspect is the side effect of certain medicine. That day my legs were numb till I can't walk properly! my mum was shocked like what! Keep saying I looked like old lady now, do whatever in slow motion! Omg! I was really panic man! So monday went to consult my family doctor! I found the TRUTH! Thanks ar, the neurologist! HE CAN'T FIND THE REASON CAUSE MY BACK PAIN, HE TOT I GOT PSYCHOLOGY PROBLEM! SO HE GAVE ME THOSE MEDICINE USUALLY FOR PSYCHOLOGY PATIENT! OMG! WTH! which means i have been taking wrong medicine for two weeks! SHIT SHIT SHIT! I keep shivering even till now k! Now i need to buy medicine to stop the shivering! And of course! I need to consult another doctor!

I dunno what happen to me man! always so "LUCKY"! Kena cheated my two doctors! TSK! And my toufu body can be more healthy or not! Now financial crisis can! Stop it lar! Walao wei! When r u going to recover my lovely back spine?!! And these few days,so busy preparing for the dip show i dunno how many times i kena my mum scold, cuz i'm not supposed to anyhow walk, my family doctor suggest me to rest more and walk less and scared I will faint halfway! I'm so dizzy for the whole week man! SIGH~~~~ Hope can recover soon la!

Hereby i need to thank lexy! Thanks honey dewy for take care of me and accompany me for this whole week! i knew u r tired! so sorry! Next week my sis (ur gan jie) treat k! We shall have a gathering all together! cuz my sis till now still haven't see who is NADIA KAMIL AND LIM SIEW YUN!!! hahaha! And lexy, dun bother what that sai said! I borrow u money cuz I can afford to help and i understand u do need help! So dun be paiseh to borrow if u really need k! if i can't help i will tell u! So atm Hee-haw is standing here for FOUR of you! and all my money are belongs to my banker! hahaha! So ok la! I can borrow u guys means I got extra for myself! So dun need to feel guilty cuz u guys still need to return me back what! hahaha! So dun worry k!

Ok, feel dizzy again! time to take the CORRECT medicine and sleep! Everyone jia you k! after next week's Dip show we can finally rest! Let's go cycling again~ :)

Finally it's over!

Yeah yeah!! it's over! now still left the presentation part which I dun really care! Hahah! Just think of go in and anyhow crap! hahah!

Oh ya! forgot! My apologize! Really long time never update already! but seriously I was busy like hell for the past few weeks! But thank god it's over! I manage to done all my stuff on time but with the bad quality of cuz! hahah!

Well, these few days were really relaxing~ Although after I done my stuff I dun really feel happy but I feel relief. Unhappy perhaps due to my lousy works. I know I will kena shoot like dunno how. But I dun really care now, as long as I pass! hahah!

Just like what I read le xin blog, yes! i'm gonna thanks all of those ppl who assisted me to do this mission impossible! I promised her we must put this into our future album. Hahah!

To my dear honey dewy - Le Xin! Thanks so much for teaching me to draw different perspectives! And sometimes even draw for me although u already struggling for ur project! Really thanks so much! I will remember those days we do our works in McDonalds, spying what ppl talking about, eating our favourite McDonalds' Breakfast, drawing like mad, sharing ur disgusting dreams, sit from breakfast to lunch and so on! Really so memorable! And till the final stage, we stayed in the com lab with chan chan and nady, singing and dancing like mad, form a shinee girls, singing shinee's song and TVXQ's Mirotic, take cab together~ Really, it will be the most memorable memory. I'm sorry if i did something that make u angry, and also thanks for tolerate my bad temper! :)

To my dear chan chan - Sin Yee! Thanks so much for all ur help. All ur encourage words and email really helped me to move forward! Thanks for always organize outing like morning Ponyo's movie! Oh man! that was my first time watching movie so early! hahah! But it was nice! I will remember those days we went to ur house, go shopping together, go printing and help each other and also everything happened in the com lab! Really that last few weeks I was stress but really enjoyed! Thanks for accompany me to be mad girl and sing and dance in com lab! Thanks for almost everyday gather shinee girls in MSN or Skype, practise singing, sharing videos! If that few nights without those video, I really fell asleep liao! Hahah! Then, so sorry if my bad temper affects u! I can't tolerate my own bad temper too! hahah! And thanks for all ur help during this FYP! I'm sorry if my mounting skill spoilt ur things! :p

To my darling cloudy - Siew Yun! Although we were in the same class, but really looks like i dun see u that often! hahah! Well, u r really the hardworking girl who always make me so stress, but this kind of stress actually help to move forward! thanks! Thanks my dear for always tolerate my bad temper and comfort me when I think i'm way behind the final line. Thanks for ur encouraging SMS and email! Although we dun see each other that often during that period but I know u were really stress! Well, just wan to tell u, next time if u work outside, dun have to give urself too much stress ok! U must know how to destress! I still remember that day u cried in front of me! really shock me man! but i know what i can do is not stopping u from crying, cuz i know u are release all ur stress! do hang out more with all of us! u see! Shinee girls dun even feel stress! everyday happy like what! hahah! Thanks so much for all ur encouragement! Although U might deny, but I tell u seriously ur work is nice! dun always claim that it's not! U must be confident to ur own work ok! :)

To my dear master - Nadia! Thanks nady for ur very first treat to me, the pillow snack! It really tastes good! Well, dun feel bad to borrow money from me! I know U are broke for those printing and binding, I understand that's y I m happy to help! All those snacks I treated u were the ENCOURAGEMENT to u! Cuz I know, nothing else can give u energy except FOOD! Hahahah! That's y I buy food for u! During those days U were in India, we really missed u and worried for u! But it was so memorable that everyday log on to ur blog and see whether u update anything. Then also about ur love story there la! hahah! Thanks for always tolerate my bad temper and also tolerate SHINee girls awful singing and dancing in that room! We dun mean to irritate u, just wan to relax, that's our way to destress! hahah! But I should say, ur work really superb! I'm so glad to be ur pet man! With u in our gang we really feel so proud! We have talented photographer, talented illustrators (Lexin and Siewyun), and talented ENTERTAINERS (Chan Chan And Me la! hahah!) Oh ya, still got talented maid wai sun! hahah! I'm very happy to be in this group! :)

Well, Mr Chan Wai Sun, sorry ar, no dear hor! hahah! But I should really thank u for tolerate my bad temper, always pei he all our funny ideas, and also willing to be our maid! hahah! thanks so much la~ :)

Then, I should thanks to my cousin's wife who is called Evelyn too! hahah! Thanks for her help, without her help I can't print my book out! and also AZMIR! Although u can't see! But Thanks so much for helping me adjust the alignment one by one! Really thanks a lot! :)

Then, thanks to the aunties in the print shop, Fanny jie jie and Sharon Aunty! Although the other one doesn't help much and sometimes spoilt my things, but nvm, still thanks to her! Really thanks for their help if not i think I really can die man! Their bloody boss should really give them OT fee la! tsk!

Also, need to thank Sandy, the classic binder boss! hahah! Thanks for her patient and also her professional help! Next time if I go I will bring u coke! :)

And not to forget, Thanks to my family, my jie jie, mummy, 6th aunt for sewing the pouch for me, my jiu mu for sewing the table cloth and bag for me and my wan neng daddy for doing the box and measure for the bag! Thanks to my jie jie for sewing the five stones and tolerate all my bad temper! Really thanks a lot! :)

OK! Damn long! But I forgot to tell u guys who is Shinee Girls! Hahah! Shinee girls was form like few weeks ago by me, le xin and Sin yee! Cloudy still waiting for audition, but i guess she can totally join us la! Hahah! We sang more korean songs la! Hahah! Oh ya! ah chan and lexy thanks for so ren zhen learning korean songs! Now seems like everyone is obsessed with Kpop, Shinee and TVXQ! Hahah! See! Now U guys should know why I like hor?! hahah!

OK! I NEED TO DECLARE HERE! AHERM! CHAN SIN YEE AND WONG LE XIN! LONG TIME AGO I'M TVXQ'S FANS! LEXY U SAID U LIKE U-KNOW SINCE 2005 DOESN'T COUNT CUZ U DIN BUY THEIR ALBUM! HAHA! I WENT TO THEIR CONCERT AND BOUGHT ALMOST ALL THEIR ALBUM! I NEED TO DECLARE THIS, CHANG MIN IS MINE! XIAH IS MY SECONDARY SO CANNOT SNATCH WITH ME TOO! THEN I GUESS U GUYS WON'T SNATCH MIN HO FROM SHINEE WITH ME, NOT TO WORRY.

Just in case u watch the hua yang nan zi, I NEED TO DECLARE THE KIM HYUN JOONG WHO ACT AS YUN JI HU IS MINE TOO! Hahahah! Dun ever snatch with me! Hahaha! must declare first just in case! hahah! Omg! Hua Yang nan zi really nice to watch!

Ok, gotto go and watch my drama and later TVXQ session and also shinee session! hahah! So busy! :)

Very odd wonderful day!

HAHAHAHA! You should be wondering why is it a very odd wonderful day! Ok! I dunno the reason too! Probably i'm getting more and more negative as I was before! Shit man! I dun wan to but I think when someone is growing older, u will start to think more, isn't it? Before that we were a pure and innocent kid, but as we grow out we experienced different problems and that cause us to think more and sometimes think too much! Hahaha..

OK!OK! Stop it! This should be a happy post! Well, Let's back to the topic! Today, I SUPPOSED to wake up at 9am and tell myself, do something to consult, but dunno kena curse or what, 9am woke up, but very tired then keep lying and sleeping till 11am! SHIT! SHIT! I was like gave up already! Ok, not consulting, and I totally too relax! Haha.. Then went to sch and have lunch with honey dewy! I found that "oh, today is TP open house ar? I think I won't realize that if i din step into the sch!" Hahah! Then i was waiting for honey dewy in a room, but then i met cloudy first. Then honey dewy came, we chat, ate our lunch and do our work. Then we shift to another room and continue the same activities! Nady only came for the DAIM chocolate then stay in library alone! (TSK! SO ANTI-SOCIAL!) Hahaha! Then I did two pages in the classroom which i think is a good progress already man! Better than nothing rite?! Hahaha! Think this way really feel better man! Hahah..

Then, me and lexy went to white sand for dinner as my aunt not cooking today! Then we chose Wan zai to have our dinner cuz those pic really too attractive! OMG! WE TOTALLY ENJOYED THE DINNER LIKE WHAT! That honey dewy dunno Hmmm~ Hmmm~ How many times! We two keep commentting how nice the food is during the dinner and finish everything! Seriously everything!!! OMG MAN! SUCH A ENJOYABLE DINNER! After that we walked out to take bus back, the breezy wind outside really make us feel so good! Then we walked to the bus waiting area happily discussing will u hold ur father's hand with finger cross! (Ok, that sounds gross to me, but we really saw an uncle, holding hands with a gal who looked like his daughter! Not kid ok! Is already teenager! walao!) Then without waiting too long like less than 2 minutes, the bus came! wah! Really damn lucky! I keep telling lexy, something wrong! can't be this lucky! What's the catch? OMG! really so scared! Then the whole journey only took us like 10 minutes! Wah! So early reach home? I was telling lexy would we step on dog shit when we alight? We can't be so lucky! What's the catch? Hahahahah!

Then when i reach home, my aunt got some left over CHEESECAKES from another aunt! WALAO WEI! WAHT HAPPEN TODAY MAN! hahahaha! Can't believe i'm so lucky! and totally so happy! And till 12am, nothing bad happen to me! Whoa!!! So good! Ok! this will be my wonderful day!

Yes, that might be small little things to u! Actually, what I wan to say, happy or not is we, ourselves to decide! To me, if today is a nice weather I will feel happy too! Cuz I'm a too negative thinker(although not in front of u guys la!) but then I told myself I should find something to make myself happy! We are human being so we can control whether we wan to laugh or cry! If I'm sad I will cry it out, keep it yourself is not healthy too! So, to me, to watch a nice singing or dancing performance, bought a new cd, went movie or shopping with my frens(well, as long as with my frens), or even a nice weather will make me happy! Of cuz music affect me the most la! So I choose to listen more upbeat songs which makes me feel happier!

FYP is really sickening man! Everyone is damn stress now! I'm stress too! Scared I can't finish, but I know, if i'm not in good mood i can't draw something good! So, the most important thing, find something that can make u happy before u face all those shitty stuff! Remember this ok!

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Ok, bad things now! Above is my odd wonderful day! Below is negative one! Hahah! Pls be informed!

Although is so bad to say this, but recently, I really getting more and more fed up with my bloody sis! I really can't tahan her anymore man! She is getting more and more annoying and irritating! OMG! Pls man, NTU! accept me or i will fly off to australia! I should live alone! Everytime she go home first or i stay in the room alone i feel damn happy la! I dunno what's wrong! Just that I find her very annoying! A lot of habits i can't tahan! And she just did it to me! Everyweek go home she will ask me to bring something back, saying that her bag very heavy and full! HER HEAD LA! If hers one is heavy, then I mine is what? Walao! U dunno I got back problem is it? Still everyday act nice in front of others! At home u rather watch TVXQ's concert like thousand times than help me to clean the house! I'm really sick of being a maid man! All her job is just act cute in front of my mum which i really feel like puke everytime! Last time she said she dislike my brother, but when he came back last time, keep fighting and act cute in front of him! Walao wei! totally buay tahan man! U know how old u r or not? Even my dad also get fed up ok! almost 27 years old still jumping here and there! Walao! I knew my father would say that! Hahaha! I think that's the reason why ppl said I looked older, cuz i really dun like to 撒娇in front of my parents! I just felt disgusted especially seeing somebody always do these! I told myself!! NONONONONONONO!!! Never ever do that man! OMG! Super long story! I confess she is nice as a sister but she can be damn irritating too!

Ok should stop it man! If i were to write about her, seriously, i need to write very long man! and I guess u guys won't believe it and thought that I just want to grab more attention! Pls! I tell u! NO! TOTALLY! I asked myself! I CAN LIVE ALONE! As i was ALWAYS alone during sec sch days! So well trained already, I already told myself, my job is only to be fillial to my parents and THAT's IT! Sometimes really thinking whether they understand me! They thought they know me, but pls! NO! Totally not! It's really tiring, that's what i can say. Perhaps I understand now why my dad suddenly react that way to my mum, probably like me and my sis, cannot take it too many things of her! Really family matter, sigh, one day when i'm free, I can write a damn long post about it man! sigh~

Sigh, no time to bother all that! CONCENTRATE ON FYP PLS!!!!! Ok! Should stop it! Find something to cheer u up ok!! Yes!! Music!! Yes!! My favourite! Ok! So happy can go home alone again tmr and enjoy music all the way! That's also why I like to go home! cuz can listen to them for few hours! Hahaha! Yeah!!!! OK! See ya in next post! Jia You everyone!!!

(Ps. Lexy, I know u will say ur "roomate" worse! Yes! I agree! She is ULTIMATE LEVEL! cannot compare! If compare to ur "roomate" my sis is not too good though, but at least much better than that lunatic roomate! Hahahahaha!) :p

Happy 2009 people~

OMG! It's already 2009! I'm getting more and more panic about my project! I'm seriously so sorry to my tutor man! It's not like I dun wan to do, just that really dunno how! My drawing really sucks man! OK! Dun care already! I can do it! So everyone can do it also! Just remember our main purpose - PASS ONLY! Hahahaha!

It's already 2009, I can't believe that I'm going to be 21 years old! How i wish the time could turn back! How I wish I can be like a kid, just play and study! Normally we will think this way, but i know, always looking back is not a very good thing also! So, just look forward! I'm sure this will be a brand new start for us! We can't stop the time, so just tell myself! LIVE A HAPPY LIFE! Appreciate everything around us and do more charity work! That would be my purpose! I really dunno what should I study for my degree, now it's really not the right time to start working! Sigh~

Well, not much things to blabber, just to wish everyone around me have a wonderful 2009, forget every bad things happened before, stay healthy and happy! If we ourselves think we can make it! I'm sure we can! Jia you all my frens~ :)