有时想想，为什么自己这么没用，遇到什么不如意的事就只会哭。
眼泪好像是上天的一个神奇发明，每次哭完后，难过好像会少那么一点点。
但是我很不喜欢，哭着时心里揪着，有种心痛的感觉。
我的名字虽然应该是象征着开心，但是不知道为什么，我很喜欢哭，也很会哭。也许就好像我朋友说的，名字通常是相反的，叫美丽的人不一定美丽，叫开心的人不一定就会开心。
悲观，我想我一直都是。因为我觉得每件事都做好最坏的打算，如果结果是好的，我会觉得很开心; 结果不好的，至少我也已经做好准备去接受。
现在的我，好像站在一个十字路口的中央，四周围围绕着很多很多的车。我不知道我要去那里，也不知道应该选哪条路，只希望能有双带我飞离所有烦恼的翅膀，飞到一个无忧无虑的空间。
我知道，我在逃避选择。我真得很讨厌做选择。尤其是眼前的这个。我知道总有一天我会找到属于我的一片天，但是那天什么时候才来？我讨厌选择，我讨厌没有一个确定的方向。“究竟我该怎么办？”这句话已经不知道在我脑海里跑了几遍。我很气自己为什么不清楚自己要的是什么，为什么就不能做一个决定，只会逃避。有时想要跳开一下，拼了命地去运动，但是当我又想到这个问题时，头就好像快要裂开来了。想着想着，不知不觉，眼泪也就跟着滑下来了。
今天本来不想写这么不愉快的东西，但是我烦恼的根源之一来到我家了。真的很奇怪，不管我有多气，但是看到眼前的奶奶，就是狠不起来。一来怕爸爸不高兴，二来她始终是我奶奶。我真的是个很矛盾的人。骂不出来，又只能生闷气，气到委屈，又莫名奇妙地开始哭。真想一巴掌打醒自己。
算了，牢骚发完了。你们当我under maintainence. 不要理我就好。
但是还是要祝我的爸爸，生日快乐，父亲节快乐！你在我心目中是最棒的爸爸，愿所有的烦恼，不愉快统统离你而去。I love u my daddy~ :)
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Unfair...
为什么这个世界这么的不公平？I always tot that it's just a common speech in drama. But now i know i m wrong! There are so many unfair things in this world.
Well, i think it's really a good time to blog now! I feel so lost now! I hate things being so unsure! I m not sure what i m gg to do next. I m not sure what m i going to study. I m not sure whether I GOT THE CHANCE to continue study. I m not sure whether i m suitable to be a remisier. i m not sure whether i m suitable to be a designer. Everythings seems to be so unsure for me. Can someone give me a answer pls? I guess no one will. Only I know what i want! But the biggest problem now is : I REALLY DUNNO WHAT I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got no dream. i dun mind get a remisier license. I dun mind work as designer. But I duno whether i will LIKE to be remisier. I dunno if i wan to be a designer. After three years in TP, I've seen so many good works and realise that I seriously not really talented in this field. Well, business? I'm not sure will do better? What i really hope is not to disappoint my father. He is desperate for remisier to take over his clientsss one day. And this day might come sooner thanks to my BLOODY SICKENING COUSIN SIMON TAY! If u happen to see him pls give him a big kick on his ass!!!!!!
I had mentioned before about that shitty cousin. Yes! My father still paying debt for him! No choice! cuz he dun wan to break his promise to that client. Well, becuz of him, I might not be able to study abroad. I can see my father really dun wish to send me over. He asked me to take the remisier course and get a license. Then u dun need to study degree. dun u think this is so unfair. If all these never happen, my cousin can take over my father's clients(although i dun wan to, but at least when i m sick of design i can snatch back!) I can used up these few years to learn more things, explore more things, then i might know what i really want! Now i m too young to know what i wan for my future!!! If all these never happen, I can go study abroad without worries. I dun need to worry about the money. But since my dad say so, i think he really can't afford. Even he can afford but would be quite hard for him.
He is 61 years old this coming 14th of June. if all these never happen he can retire now. He can go travel to anywhere he want. And last week, I heard my ah mah called him keep on asking him to help that piece of bullshit! Sometimes i really dunno why i will respect a grandmother like her man!!! Why she can't see us!!!! She keep thinking of her grandson! Did she even think of us? If she step in my house and sigh to me! that's it! I'm going to cry and tell her! It's enough! Now Igot no money to continue study! are u satisfied with this?!!!!!!! I can't take it anymore!
If my dad can wait for a few years more, i dun mind to come back and work as remisier. But can i at least get a chance to fly out and explore the world? but I dunno if i can cope if i study abroad. i just dun really feel like stuck in Klg from now till the rest of my life.
Now only i know the world can be that unfair. My father help to send that piece of shit to US study his master or degree. Come back still a piece of shit, need to help him pay his debt.
原来好人不一定有好报。但我相信坚持当好人至少下场不会差到哪里去。我终于发现现实的残酷。但我不会因为这样而变得坏心肠。也绝对不可能会大量到去包容那家人。我只想好好的跟爸爸说：你辛苦了。儿时的承诺，我还是希望能够向您兑现。也许我做不到让你大福大贵的享福，但我仍然希望成为能让你感到骄傲的女儿。但是我该怎么做才好呢...
Can someone tell me what to do? I'm lost. How I wish I could turn back the time...
Well, i think it's really a good time to blog now! I feel so lost now! I hate things being so unsure! I m not sure what i m gg to do next. I m not sure what m i going to study. I m not sure whether I GOT THE CHANCE to continue study. I m not sure whether i m suitable to be a remisier. i m not sure whether i m suitable to be a designer. Everythings seems to be so unsure for me. Can someone give me a answer pls? I guess no one will. Only I know what i want! But the biggest problem now is : I REALLY DUNNO WHAT I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got no dream. i dun mind get a remisier license. I dun mind work as designer. But I duno whether i will LIKE to be remisier. I dunno if i wan to be a designer. After three years in TP, I've seen so many good works and realise that I seriously not really talented in this field. Well, business? I'm not sure will do better? What i really hope is not to disappoint my father. He is desperate for remisier to take over his clientsss one day. And this day might come sooner thanks to my BLOODY SICKENING COUSIN SIMON TAY! If u happen to see him pls give him a big kick on his ass!!!!!!
I had mentioned before about that shitty cousin. Yes! My father still paying debt for him! No choice! cuz he dun wan to break his promise to that client. Well, becuz of him, I might not be able to study abroad. I can see my father really dun wish to send me over. He asked me to take the remisier course and get a license. Then u dun need to study degree. dun u think this is so unfair. If all these never happen, my cousin can take over my father's clients(although i dun wan to, but at least when i m sick of design i can snatch back!) I can used up these few years to learn more things, explore more things, then i might know what i really want! Now i m too young to know what i wan for my future!!! If all these never happen, I can go study abroad without worries. I dun need to worry about the money. But since my dad say so, i think he really can't afford. Even he can afford but would be quite hard for him.
He is 61 years old this coming 14th of June. if all these never happen he can retire now. He can go travel to anywhere he want. And last week, I heard my ah mah called him keep on asking him to help that piece of bullshit! Sometimes i really dunno why i will respect a grandmother like her man!!! Why she can't see us!!!! She keep thinking of her grandson! Did she even think of us? If she step in my house and sigh to me! that's it! I'm going to cry and tell her! It's enough! Now Igot no money to continue study! are u satisfied with this?!!!!!!! I can't take it anymore!
If my dad can wait for a few years more, i dun mind to come back and work as remisier. But can i at least get a chance to fly out and explore the world? but I dunno if i can cope if i study abroad. i just dun really feel like stuck in Klg from now till the rest of my life.
Now only i know the world can be that unfair. My father help to send that piece of shit to US study his master or degree. Come back still a piece of shit, need to help him pay his debt.
原来好人不一定有好报。但我相信坚持当好人至少下场不会差到哪里去。我终于发现现实的残酷。但我不会因为这样而变得坏心肠。也绝对不可能会大量到去包容那家人。我只想好好的跟爸爸说：你辛苦了。儿时的承诺，我还是希望能够向您兑现。也许我做不到让你大福大贵的享福，但我仍然希望成为能让你感到骄傲的女儿。但是我该怎么做才好呢...
Can someone tell me what to do? I'm lost. How I wish I could turn back the time...
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