I guess i m almost immuned to the pain my family gave me. Although i still feel miserable staying at home, but now seems like those hurtful words not really hurt to me.
Yesterday, again, I came back to the house i called "Home". Well, I dun understand why I still come back when there's no room for me. I always sleep with my mum as u guys knows since my parents sleep seperately. I guess i'm going to fall into a flu as I was suffering from sore throat and feeling unwell. I told my mum, but she really just pretend like never heard anything from me. Well, that's not hurting me anymore since she always react this way to me. But because of this, i was cold. But my mum loves air-con and her MINYAK KAPAK!! OMG! I really hates the smell of 风油. Cuz that will make me hard to breath. So i sneak out from the room and read eclipse outside. In the living room, my sis was watching all about TVXQ. Sigh~ dunno how many times. Then I asked her if she wants to sleep with my mum, she said NO, I m going to on the air-con. well, she just dun like to sleep with my mum. I dun understand, since she loves my mum so much why can't she sleeps with her? Sigh~ then I think of sleep in the living room. But I scared I will get scold the next day. So I wait till the smell get off and got back to the room which belongs to my mum and sleep. Sigh.. Why i can't have my own room when everyone in this house have one? How i wish i can sleep in the living room man. or i shouldn't come back? Well, I have decided, once i start working, I m not going back that often. Once in two or three weeks.
And today, another words from my mum stung me well enough. Me and my sis were eating with my mum in some restaurant. She was telling us some aunty gave birth a baby when she was 40 years old. Then my sis told her there's quite a few of her frens' parents also like that, so my age distance with her is not a big deal. And here comes the hurtful words from my mum. She said, If not that I had took off two babies, that hurt my body till i feel like dying, I'm not going to give birth of you! (Which means she knows it's hurtful to take off baby, and she had took two off, so she dun wan to suffer again so she decided to give birth of me!) Yes, I'm not a baby that everyone was looking forward to. My mum went to the hospital herself. I really thought she wanted me cuz she needs accompany or some other reason. But sorry, as what u saw, i m a burden to her. I m here becuz she dun want to hurt her body anymore. Well, I really rather u took me off. At least i won't suffering like this. At least u dun have to keep complaining about my back, feel that it's a burden to u. But i dun really feel as sad as i discover the betrayer's mistress. i m probably immuned to them. i know one day i will get out of this place. i know this is certainly not a right place to me. i would stick to u for long, no worries. i will disappear someday, till u dun even realise u actually have two daughters. U only have two children. A boy and a girl. i m clear of what i m now. i m the maid. no doubt. It's obvious.
Well, i really not feeling so well. i m going to get a flu. But who else will care in this HOUSE anyway? So, I think the best way to cure would be music. I'm going to rest. sorry for this random enough post. T.T
